


Imagine that

by TheGirlNoOneKnows5



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Adulting, Angst and Humor, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, F/F, Family Issues, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Imagination, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Emotional Abuse, SKAM WLW Mini Bang, Wishes, a touch of magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 07:48:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20150158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlNoOneKnows5/pseuds/TheGirlNoOneKnows5
Summary: "This is going to sound… really weird and fake,” said the girl who had been sniffing Vilde just a few moments ago. “Ugh. I just - I feel - I feel like I know you. Like - okay, so I don’t know who I am, but you remind me of something I can’t figure out and you - you smell like… home.”“Uh. Wow.” The tirade shouldn't  have made any sense. It was all a jumble of meaningless words filled with obvious delusions. Or perhaps it was a lame attempt at a pickup line. Yet something deep inside urged Vilde to believe her.-Vilde's life is at a monotonous standstill until a strange, yet strangely familiar girl turns everything upside down in the best way. The impossible becomes reality when one lonely little girl's wish comes true.-For the 2019 SKAM WLW Mini Bang-





	1. Denial

**Author's Note:**

> Well mates, the SKAM WLW Mini Bang is here!  
Thank you to [Julia](https://setholiver.tumblr.com/) for organizing this whole sheBANG, as usual (see what I did there? I know, I know, I've used this joke before, boo me) and of course a big congrats & good luck to the other participants! 
> 
> A huge thank you to the wonderful [Theresa](https://koedder-du.tumblr.com/), who was so patient with me. Way more than she should've been. It's been a stressful couple months, y'all. I'm truly sorry I wasn't more organized, but you rock! Anyhay, here's the official post with her [lovely edit](https://koedder-du.tumblr.com/post/186840782779/imagine-that-by-thegirlnooneknows5-for-the)! Go tell her she's great :) 
> 
> Listen to the Spotify playlist [HERE!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6lnNP33xyvb27G8gM3XzpI?si=bEKT9YW0RlSzU4SvXKpq9g) while you read! 
> 
> -This story is loosely based on episodes 2&3 of Misfits season 5-

The walls shook. Shouting carried down the hall.

Vilde clutched Suzie to her chest. Squeezed her eyes shut. Filled her mind with a different sound. An endless chant inside her head, where no one else would hear._ This isn’t happening this isn’t happening this isn’t happening _

The shouting grew louder. A door slammed, shaking the walls once more. Vilde sat up with a gasp. Waited. The shouting resumed.

“Oh no!” she cried. “I ruined it.”

“It’s okay,” Eva said from behind her. She reached over to tuck some hair behind Vilde’s ear.

Vilde looked down at Suzie. The little bunny could really use a bath. But then who would protect her from the Boogeyman? “It’s not!” she cried, slumping back against her pillows. “He’s gonna come after me!”

Eva snuggled next to Vilde, arms pressed against hers. “He won’t,” she insisted. Vilde wondered how she could be so brave. Maybe she was just stupid.

Vilde would give anything to be that stupid. Father’s voice rang in her ears. _ “Little girls should always be nice and happy,” _ he’d say. It sounded impossible. No one could be happy all the time. Sometimes Vilde got mad. Was that a bad thing? _ “Why?” _ Vilde would ask. _ “The Boogeyman feeds on the fear and sadness of little girls just like you.” _

Mamma would tell her it was nonsense. Over and over again. But father always said mamma didn’t know the things he knew. He was the _ only _ one who knew the real truth. Vilde wasn’t supposed to cry. Or the Boogeyman would come. She imagined he was green like snot and had big, sharp teeth that sat outside his mouth. Vilde really didn’t want the Boogeyman to eat her. 

She hugged Suzie close and sniffed. “I-I don’t w-want to go,” she cried. _ Stop it! You’re not allowed to do that! _

Eva shuffled even closer and rested her head on Vilde’s shoulder. “That big fat bozo isn’t going to take you away,” she said, determined. “I promise.”

Vilde gulped down a sob as it rose in her throat, refusing to let it escape. “How do you know?”

“Because we won’t let him. Me and Suzie. We’ll protect you.”

“Suzie is a toy.”

“How dare you!”

“She is!”

Eva sat up. “So what. Suzie’s a toy. But_ I’m _ not.” She flexed her arms. “I got these babies. No Boogeyman is gonna get passed my guns.”

“You’re an idiot,” Vilde laughed.

“Lucky for you,” Eva said. “Only an idiot can beat the monsters.”

“You really think we can beat them?” Vilde asked, hopeful. 

“As long as we’re together. We can do anything.”

Vilde’s heart sang. “Anything.” Eva flicked her nose. “Ow! What was that for?”

“You admitted you’re an idiot too.”

Vilde shoved her. “Shut up.”

“I don’t know how, I’m an idiot.” Eva said, poking Vilde’s sides.

Vilde smacked her hands away while she giggled. “I hate you!”

“Nuh uh. You looove me.”

She did. Vilde loved her. It was the two of them against the world.

*********

“Watch this!” Magnus opened his mouth wide. Everyone looked on, wide-eyed while he belched for a solid six seconds. When he finished, he stepped back with a grin and took a bow.

“That’s disgusting,” Chris said.

His smile dropped. “Oh.”

“But hey, I like gross things!” Chris clapped Magnus on the back while he beamed. “Who’s next?”

Isak jumped up. “Me! I can beat him.”

“Do we _ have _ to listen to anymore burping?” Vilde complained, scrunching her nose.

“Yeah, can we do something else?” Sana, Chris’s new neighbour agreed. 

Isak crossed his arms over his chest. “Guys, it’s _ her _ birthday so she should decide!”

“Oh, guess what!” Chris exclaimed. She carried on without waiting for an answer, “I’m older than all of you suckers. Ha. Ha.”

“I’ll be nine soon, too,” Noora shot back. 

“Soon isn’t today.”

Vilde moved to sit next to Sana while the others bickered. If she didn’t like burping either, she must be okay. “Hi,” Vilde said, giving her a bright smile.

Sana’s smile was hesitant. “Hi.” 

They were quiet. Vilde tried to think of something to say. She watched their mothers chatting in the backyard through the glass doors. “Um. How come your mum covers her hair? I’ve seen other ladies do it too, but I never knew why.”

“My mamma wears a hijab because she’s proud of her faith. She says it makes her feel close to Allah.”

Vilde didn’t know who Allah was, though she thought they sounded nice. She would ask, but she didn’t want Sana to think she was stupid. “Oh. That’s cool.”

“I think so, too.”

“How come you don’t wear a… hig– higa-”

“Hijab,” Sana finished for her with a smile. “My parents think I’m too young, but I want to wear it one day. Maybe soon.” 

“Won’t you miss pretty braids and headbands?”

“I can still do my hair pretty if I wear a hijab.”

“Oh.” Vilde smiled. “I guess you can.”

A marshmallow bounced off Vilde’s head. Then another. Magnus froze when Vilde narrowed her eyes at him, his hand poised up high with another marshmallow. He laughed nervously and popped it into his mouth.

“He’s… weird,” Sana said.

“He’s annoying,” Vilde added.

Chris plopped down next to her. “He has a crush on you.”

Magnus’s face turned beat red. “I do not!”

Isak laughed at him. “You do so!”

Sana accepted the marshmallow Chris offered her and looked at it. “If you like somebody, you shouldn’t throw things at them.”

“Yeah,” Noora agreed, chewing on her own marshmallow. “It’s mean.”

“I… I don’t like her!” 

Vilde shuddered. Boys were gross. They were dirty and smelly and full of gross boy cooties. Magnus could throw his marshmallows at someone else.

“Can we please go do something else now,” Vilde pleaded.

“Alright!” Chris sprang to her feet. No one knew where her constant stream of energy came from. “Let’s go on an adventure.”

“Where?”

“To…” she paused and everyone leaned in closer. “My attic!”

“Your attic?” Isak scoffed.

“What were you expecting?”

“Some place good.”

Chris raised a brow at him. “The attic _ is _ good. Don’t be a downer. Come on!”

Everyone got up and hurried after her, giggling all the way. They stopped in front of a door. Chris placed her hand on the knob and looked back at everyone, a finger in front of her lips. She pulled the door open carefully to reveal a dark staircase.

Vilde gulped. She wished Eva was here. “Uh. Maybe we shouldn’t go up there.”

“You’re the one who wanted to do something else,” Chris said. “It’ll be fun, I promise.”

One by one, everyone crept up the stairs, leaving Vilde to stare up at them. She couldn’t be afraid. She wasn’t allowed to be afraid. Why was she such a–

Sana took Vilde’s hand and nodded towards their friends. “Let’s go?”

Vilde took a deep breath. “Okay.”

They walked up together, Sana just in front. The higher they went, the darker it got. Vilde used her other hand to feel for the wall. She wasn’t afraid, she wasn’t afraid, she wasn’t–

Chris screamed from above, where they couldn’t see her.

“Chris!” Sana called, picking up the pace. Vilde let herself be pulled along, ignoring her impulse to run the other way. 

They stumbled at the top of the staircase where everyone else was huddled in the dark. “Chris?” Noora called. 

“Is anyone else freaked out?” Magnus asked. 

“Not me,” Isak said, voice wavering.

If he wasn’t scared, then Vilde wasn’t–

“Boo!” Chris jumped on the group with a great shout.

Everyone let out a great, “Ahhh!” as they fell to the dusty floor.

Chris laughed, deep in her belly. “I so got you guys.”

“That was _ not _funny,” Isak puffed.

“It was very funny.”

“Can you turn on the lights!” Vilde demanded. She clamped her hands over her mouth. Getting angry was not allowed. 

The room lit up, revealing boxes and boxes full of stuff covering the large space. “Cool!” exclaimed Magnus.

“Oh, oh, I know what we can do!” Chris bounced from foot to foot. “Why don’t we play a game where whoever finds the coolest thing in here, wins.”

“Wins what?” Sana asked.

“Hm. The first slice of cake.”

Magnus flung himself up. “I’m in!”

Everyone dashed off to a different spot in search of the most wonderful treasure the attic held. Vilde slowly climbed to her feet and started her search in the box closest to her.

Each person discovered many fascinating things that lived in Chris’s attic. An antique bronze tiara, an old map of some secret underground tunnels somewhere in Italy, a cuckoo clock with a knight in place of a bird, a diary of one of Chris’s great uncles who died fighting in WWI, an ancient looking crest with a mermaid and a kraken on it. Everyone was convinced their item was the coolest.

So far, the most interesting thing Vilde had stumbled across was a dolly put together with different toy parts. She had one robot arm, one fluffy arm and a duck foot. It was weird, but nowhere near as cool as all the things the others found. Vilde had just about given up and settled on the creepy doll when something shiny caught her eye. It was at the very bottom of the box, under a pile of junk. Vilde pulled the old purses and coats and broken kitchenware out so she could reach the glinting object. Lying at the bottom of the box was a strangely shaped ornament, decorated with gold and opal. It looked like something in between a candle holder, vase and lamp. She took hold of it carefully. 

There was something… magical about this– whatever it was.

“Whoa, you found it,” Chris said.

“What?” Everyone gathered closer.

Isak scoffed at it. “That’s just some old, boring thing grannies put on their bookshelves to get all gross and dusty.”

“It _ was _ my grandmother’s,” Chris said. “And her grandma gave it to her.”

“So… what’s so special about it?” Vilde asked.

“Well. Grandma told me that if you make a wish on it, it’ll come true when you need it the most.”

“Did you make a wish on it?” Sana asked.

Chris shook her head. “She said you only get one wish your whole life.”

“That’s not very good,” Magnus said. “Why not three?”

“It’s not a magic lamp.”

Everyone snickered. “Where’s my boy Aladdin at?” Magnus joked.

“Hiding from you ‘cos you stink,” Isak said. Magnus poked his tongue out at him.

“Why don’t we try it?” Noora suggested before the boys could escalate into a full-blown argument, as they so often did.

“Yeah right,” Vilde said. “Wishes don’t come true in real life.” If they did, things would be better by now. Everything would be wonderful. Vilde and mamma wouldn’t ever have to worry about anything again.

Noora gently took the ornament out of Vilde’s hands. “So, why not? Even if it’s just pretend.”

“Let’s all make a wish on it,” Chris agreed. Vilde sat back, shoulders slumped. Hoping and wishing was useless. Useless and stupid. Everyone else looked keen. Including _ Isak _. They were all stupid.

“How does it work?” Noora asked.

“Hold it with both hands, close your eyes and make a wish. But don’t say it out loud! Oh and stay still for three seconds after. And keep your eyes closed.”

Noora cupped the ornament in both hands, brought it close to her face and closed her eyes. Nothing happened for a while. 

And then. 

The pattern carved on the surface gradually lit up. It was like… well, magic. The light glowed so bright, Vilde had to squint.

The group gasped and Noora opened her eyes. “Oh my gosh!”

“Does it really work?” Sana asked, mouth agape.

“I… don’t know,” Chris said, taking the ornament in her hands. The light faded again. “Maybe it does.” Stupid, silly hope swirled in Vilde’s gut.

“Your turn,” Sana said.

Chris cupped the ornament in both hands, brought it close to her face and closed her eyes. Everyone watched in anticipation. Nothing happened this time. Maybe it was a fluke? Or they imagined it? Chris took a peak, her face quickly dropping. “Oh.” The pattern lit up right as Chris spoke, brighter than before.

“Whoa,” everyone said in awe.

Okay, _ now _ it was kind of cool. They passed the ornament around until everyone had made a wish, leaving Vilde til last. Isak held it out to her. 

“You sure you don’t want to have a turn?”

“I.” She shouldn’t. “I, um.” It was hopeless and stupid. “I.” She imagined Eva telling her she could do anything. She _ could _do anything. “Okay.” She took the ornament with both hands and closed her eyes.

The first few steps were easy. Then came the wishing part. What was she supposed to wish for? She could wish for anything in the whole world. A big house like Chris’s. To be a princess like she always daydreamed about. What was the one thing she wanted most in the world? 

A face came to mind. Vilde smiled. Of course! She squeezed her eyes extra tight and made a wish.

*********

_ Twelve years later _

A single raindrop splashed on Vilde’s forehead. _Oh, great_, she thought. Another, then another. The one day she didn’t bring an umbrella. The rain got heavier with each second. 

Vilde held her purse over her head and jogged away from the tram station. She was soaking all but for the top of her head when she got to work. “Fuck,” she muttered to herself.

She hurried through The Diner dripping wet, into the back. One look in the old mirror was one too many. She looked like a wet dog wearing an oversized sack. _ Ugh. _Why did she always have to be a complete disaster?

“Oh, you look pretty,” Elias teased. She flipped him off. He gave her a dramatic gasp. “And to think I was going to lend you a towel.”

“Do you have one?”

“No.”

“William is going to fire me.”

“For looking like crap?” Camille scoffed. She was pulling her own wet hair back into a sloppy bun.

“You know, you’re not supposed to tell someone they look like crap. It’s rude.”

“You do look like crap,” Camille said. 

Vilde flipped her off. “Well – you look shitty, too.”

Camille shrugged. “We’ve gotta own it! Hell yeah, I look like a whale pissed on me!”

“I… don’t think I’m there yet.” 

“Too bad.” 

William pushed through the door in a hurry. Vilde hoped he would rush past them, but alas. If something could go wrong, it would. Such was Vilde’s mess of a life. 

He stopped at Vilde and Camille, turned slowly, then stared from one to the other, thoroughly unimpressed. “You two. You look like crap.”

“We’re well aware,” Camille said, keeping her voice chirpy as she always did around him. “It’s a new look we’re trying.”

“I’m not a customer, you don’t have to tell me stupid jokes,” he said. “There are spare uniforms in my office, follow me.”

Vilde and Camille looked at each other. “Uh…”

“I’m not going to watch you get undressed, shit.” He turned the corner and pushed open his office door. “Come on!” he ordered.

They followed him into the tiny room, where he immediately threw the uniforms at their faces and dismissed them. One at a time, they struggled into the spare uniforms in the tiny staff bathroom with the flickering light. Vilde managed to bump her elbow four times while pulling on the one-size-too-small button up. 

Camille stepped out of the bathroom and straightened her blouse. “Ah. All good?”

Vilde patted herself down. “Shit.” She snatched her bag off the floor and searched through it, knowing if it wasn’t on top, it wouldn’t be there at all. “_ Fuck _.” She did a quick search of the bathroom.

“I could help if you tell me what you’re looking for.”

“My favourite pink scarf, the one I wear all the time.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Yeah!”

Camille squatted down, feet angled out and waddled around like a duck with back problems. 

Vilde didn’t know whether to frown or laugh. “What are you doing?” 

“Looking!”

Vilde sighed. “It’s useless. It's gone!”

William rushed past them, spitting, “You both leaked all over the kitchen floor. Clean it up.” He swiftly turned around. “Go on! If one of the chefs slip, it’ll be _ your _fault.” He disappeared back into his little office.

Camille looked up at Vilde. “Um. A little help here?” Vilde pulled her to her feet. Camille wobbled against her. “Oof. They never tell you joint pain starts in your twenties.”

On any other day, Vilde would’ve laughed. Today, however, she found she was not in the mood. She wordlessly fetched one of the old mops and headed for the kitchen. The extent of the mess had been exaggerated. A small trail of water droplets through the kitchen to the back was hardly enough for someone to slip on. She mopped it up with a sigh, the annoyance of losing her favourite scarf souring her mood. _ It matched with _ ** _everything_ ** _ , _she thought gloomily. 

A distracted mind was not at all useful when on the breakfast-lunch shift. Particularly when that breakfast-lunch shift turned into hour after hour of overtime due to inexplicable understaffing. All of which would be underpaid, of course. No matter how illegal and exhausting it all was, Vilde knew she would always put up with it. What else could she do? This crappy job was all she had going for her.

The sour feeling turned into exhausted defeat by the time Vilde _ finally _ escaped to go home. 

“Get out while you can,” Even, one of their chefs said while Vilde gathered her things. Even was doomed to remain until closing. Vilde had been there so long, that was only three hours away.

“I’ll be thinking of you,” she said, condolence in her eyes.

He gave her a tired nod and leaned in to softly urge, “Hurry!”

She didn’t need to be told twice. Vilde hurried out of The Diner before anyone could ask her for _ another _favour that would go unrepaid. 

Everything ached. Her jaw was numb from all the fake smiles. She trudged her lethargic body to the tram stop. Plopped herself on a seat. Nearly fell asleep a few times. The usual middle schoolers making a ruckus at the back of the tram woke her every time she felt herself begin to slip. For once, she was grateful to them. 

“Oi, your mamma’s so fat, Thanos had to snap twice to get rid of her!” one of the boys shouted, followed by wild shrieks and cackles from his friends. 

Perhaps grateful was too strong a word. 

What seemed like a lifetime later, Vilde was finally at her stop. The closer she got to home, the more she yearned to be there. She pictured a lengthy hot shower, then maybe a nice hot chocolate with mamma before burying herself in her warm, cosy sheets. The very idea was heaven. She couldn't wait to- 

“Oof!” 

“Wah!” Vilde tripped over a squishy lump and landed on her shoulder, legs in the air. “Ow.”

“Ow sounds right,” the squishy lump under her said. 

Vilde squirmed about to get off whatever poor creature she was squashing. “Oh! I’m so-” Wait a minute. Why was _ she _apologising when this person was just lying right in the middle of the pavement? It was all their fault, really. What kind of person lay on the walkway in the dark just waiting to be stepped on? Vilde looked at them with sharp eyes to say so and immediately swallowed her words. 

The squishy lump was a girl. A beautiful girl. She looked about Vilde’s age. Vilde gulped. The girl laughed. 

“That was sick,” she chuckled, words slurred. She tried and failed to brush her long auburn hair off her face. 

“Um. What are you doing here?”

“In Oslo?”

“On the ground.” 

The girl looked around, taking in her surroundings. She burst into laughter. The sound filled Vilde with something she couldn’t discern. The kind of feeling Vilde had given up chasing. “Oh. I… forgot.” The girl laughed again.

Vilde laughed with her. “You don’t remember?” 

“Mm. I was partying with someone. Mm. Friday night drinks. Yeah” 

“It’s… it’s Saturday night.” 

The girl laughed even harder than before. The feeling returned. “Ohhh. That makes sense.” 

“So, you’ve just been lying on the street all day?” 

The girl frowned, thinking hard. “Uh. No. I don’t think so.” She laughed. “It was dark when I - when I went down.” She looked around, squinting up at the street light. “Is it morning already?” The longer she spoke, the more slurred her words got. 

Vilde laughed lightly. “It’s Saturday night, remember?” The girl’s response was a confused frown. The pavement under her butt was getting uncomfortably cold. She knelt up and held a hand out to the girl. 

The girl took her hand and shook it enthusiastically. “Heeeeyyy.”

“I’m trying to help you up,” Vilde giggled. 

“Ohhh.” The girl snorted and shuffled about on the ground for a while, trying to swing her legs in front of her. 

“Okay, why don’t I just-” Vilde rose, but the girl wouldn’t let go of her hand as she went. She was pulled to her knees, then collapsed to the ground again when she sharply pulled her hand away. “Oh!”

“Oof!” The girl laughed at herself. “Oopsy.” 

Vilde held both hands out with a chuckle. “Here.” 

The girl took them and let herself be pulled up on shaky legs. It took far longer than it should’ve. The girl slipped once, then twice, falling to the ground again like a log, and Vilde had to start all over again. Her thighs ached by the time she got the girl to her feet. 

“Thanks.” The girl burped. Then tripped over her own feet. Vilde grabbed her arm as she fell against her. “Are you a superhero?”

“No,” Vilde laughed. Far, far from it. The girl stared at her, drowsy eyes shining with… it looked a lot like awe, but it couldn’t be. No way. Vilde didn’t do anything worthy of that response. No one ever looked at her like _ that. _Not since-

“You smell really nice,” the girl said, leaning closer. Her own less-than-pleasant scent isn't what made Vilde catch her breath. The girl leaned her head on Vilde’s shoulder and nuzzled. “So niiiice.”

Vilde shifted her feet, failing to ignore the weird flip in her gut. “Um. Do you live around here?” 

The girl lifted her head. “Huh? Oh yeah, yeah. Uh…” she looked around “...that way. Yeah, that way,” she concluded, nodding down the backstreet. 

Vilde looped her arm through the girl’s and led her in that direction. “Alright. Let's get you home, okay?” 

The girl let herself be dragged along, stomping and stumbling as she walked. “Can't I sleep on the sidewalk?” 

“No.”

“Why?” 

“Could be dangerous.” 

The girl was silent. Then, “But I met you there.” 

That stopped Vilde in her tracks. Metaphorically speaking. Physically, she was dragging along a beautiful drunk girl wearing mini heels and a tight burgundy dress, but metaphorically? Very much stopped. In. Her. Tracks. Since when were drunk people so… sweet? She _ was _ a girl, Vilde supposed. Perhaps that made a difference. Though somehow this felt different to drunkenly bonding with other girls in the club bathroom. Those interactions never made her heart thud against her chest like this. 

Logically, Vilde knew that meant she was probably (definitely) attracted to this girl. It wasn't far-fetched - the girl was stunning, as she’d observed with every glance. Green eyes and rosy cheeks. _ Gorgeous _ . Though pretty strangers rarely made Vilde feel _ this _… warm inside. Literally falling over a person must be a bonding experience of its on. 

They made small talk while they walked. Well. They _ attempted _to make small talk while they walked. Every sentence that came out of the girl’s mouth was interrupted with another unrelated thought that got slurred into a confusing mess even the most gifted linguist would struggle to interpret. Vilde tried her best to nod along and say ‘uh huh’ in what she hoped was the appropriate spots. For all she knew, she could be agreeing to anything. 

“Here!” The girl planted her feet and pulled Vilde back. She almost tripped with the sudden stop, but managed to steady herself quickly. They stood in front of a tiny block of flats. It looked like it’d been there for a long while. 

“This is where you live?” Vilde checked. 

“Uh huh. My stuff is in there.” She hiccuped. “I don’t have a lot of stuff.” 

“Do you have a key?” 

The girl gave herself a pat-down, accidentally pulling Vilde closer as she did. She didn't seem to notice the way they were pressed together and continued her own body search. “Hm.” Her face lit up with an idea and she dug through the top pocket of her denim jacket. “Aha!” She pulled a key out of the pocket triumphantly and held it up high, almost as if it were sacred. 

“Okay, good,” Vilde laughed, stepping away from her. “Do you… do you think you can go inside on your own?”

“Don’t you wanna hang out?” 

“I really want to get home.” 

The girl snickered and pulled Vilde towards the small building. “That’s boring.” She stumbled once. 

“Do you need, like, help getting in?” 

The girl took her arm back. “Nah, I can go all on my own. See, no hands?” Right on the last letter, she stumbled again. She held Vilde’s shoulder to get her balance - the same one she landed on earlier. The throbbing was noticeable now. _ Ouch. _

“Are you sure?” 

“Uh huh, I’m a grownup! I think.” She burped. “Anyway.” She gave Vilde a sloppy wave. “Thanks. You’re so nice.” 

Vilde’s cheeks warmed. She was glad it was dark out. “Sure!” She laughed, nervous for whatever reason. The likelihood was that she’d never see this girl again. Although, being in the same neighbourhood… She blinked the silly thought away. _ Don’t be stupid. _

The girl smiled before clumsily spinning around and slogging towards the building’s entrance. She fumbled at the door with the keys for a full minute until she got it. Before disappearing inside and from Vilde’s sight forever, she turned around to give her another enthusiastic wave. She hit her elbow on the door and let go to clutch it, causing the door to hit her in the face. Vilde heard her, “Ah, fuck!” then an, “I’m okay,” a couple seconds later. 

She really hoped so. 

Vilde laughed softly to herself and headed back the way they came. That warm feeling, coupled with something weirdly familiar remained in the pit of her stomach until she headed down her own street. She picked up a brisk pace, the way she always did when coming home in the dark. _ Nothing’s going to happen _ , she chanted internally. _ I’m safe. Nothing’s going to happen. I’m safe. _

She always was. And she would be again, tonight. _ I’m sa- _

The thought crumbled away when her front yard came into view. She instantly recognized the car in the driveway. _ Oh no. _

All residue warmth from earlier, and current dread was replaced by a sickness that rose through her throat, like bile after a night of too much to drink. Vilde thought of the girl again and how it hadn't occurred to her to ask for a name. It wasn't as if she’d ever get the opportunity to use it. Still. She’d much rather think of that pretty, funny girl than what was surely awaiting her inside that house. 

With a deep breath, Vilde started up again towards the front door. _ Here we go, _she thought, swallowing down the sickness. 

The door flung open just as she reached it. Pappa was standing behind it, red face scrunched in frustration. That was laughable after all he’d put them through. 

“Where the hell have you been?” pappa growled. He looked her up and down, unimpressed. “Your _ mother _said you should’ve been home by now.” 

“I was at work,” Vilde said, flustered. Her cheeks burned as the sick feeling travelled through her entire body. 

Pappa pushed past her and stomped away from the house. “That woman is pathetic,” he grumbled as he went, voice dripping with disdain. 

Vilde followed him, walking closely behind. Keeping up with his brisk pace left her slightly out of breath. “W-wha, uh… what did you say to her?” 

“I _ told _ her she needs to grow up,” pappa said without turning or slowing. “She’s a fucking grown woman, for christ sake. The world isn’t going to wait for her to stop cowering and crying in the corner every _ single _time something doesn’t go her way!” 

“She’s been getting better!” Vilde protested helplessly. She really had. The past three weeks, they’d been cooking together. Joking together. Singing around the house together. Mamma was _ finally _starting to look like her usual self again. She really was. 

Pappa laughed humourlessly. “Right, so why is she in even _ worse _ shape than the last time I saw her?” 

_ Three whole months ago. _ He reached for his car door. _ No. _Vilde slid around to stand in front of him. She tried a smile, but felt it quiver into a grimace. “Uh. Pappa? When was the last time we… had lunch, just you and me?”

“I usually just eat lunch in my office,” he deflected. 

“Coffee, then?” 

Pappa frowned at her like she was an idiot. “I’m a very busy man, Vilde, you know that.” 

“How could I _ not _ know that, you’re never around.” 

“Vilde,” pappa scolded. Vilde hung her head at the tone. “It’s not so easy making time for frivolous things with such a full schedule. Especially living all the way across town.” 

Her heart sank into the sickness. It wasn't as if he hadn't had _ years _ to get used to new small distance. “So… _ I’m _ a frivolous thing?” 

“Now, Vilde, I did not say that,” he said in his smooth ‘business man’ voice. It was bullshit. _ He _ was bullshit. “You know I’d make the time for you if I could.”

_ If you cared. _Vilde took a big gulp. She hated how small she sounded. “So… you can make the t-time once every two months or so to come yell at mamma, but you can’t even have one conversation with me?” 

Pappa’s phoney business smile dropped. “Whaddya call this?” He ripped his door open impatiently, forcing Vilde to jump away. “If you want to talk, honey, you know you can always call.”

“But you never answer,” she said quietly as he got in his car. She knew it would be months before she saw him again. To do the exact same thing over again. Then again. And again. The thought made her dizzy. 

“Vilde,” pappa sighed. “Honey. What ever happened to that happy little girl of mine? With her big pretty smile?” 

The girl everyone always wanted her to be. “Uh. I'm sorry, pappa.” 

Pappa looked at her for a while. Something terrible and ugly was in his eyes. Vilde saw every one of her failures in that look. Every disappointment, every embarrassment, every shame. The shadow girl who fell apart. The one who let her pappa down. One day, he would leave and never come back. Vilde couldn't be sure if that terrified or excited her. She didn't know how to make him stay. 

“It’s late,” pappa eventually said. It was all he said. 

Vilde stepped away so he could close his car door. Watched him drive away hopelessly. Waited until he was out of sight. “Yeah. I love you too,” she muttered to herself, alone on the driveway. She was just loud enough to get an echo. Almost as if he really was speaking back. He was far too busy for such _ frivolous _things. 

Vilde shivered, pulling her cardigan tighter around her. She hadn't noticed how uncomfortable the chilly night air was until she was alone. She thought of her favourite pink scarf and how she'd never get to wear it again. She had others. None that paired so well with everything else she owned. None that were quite as soft, as warm, as pretty. She'd simply have to adjust to a new life without her favourite scarf. 

With that miserable thought in mind, she dawdled to the house, freezing for a moment when she saw the front door had been left open. She started up again, shaking her head. Was she really that useless that she'd put her mother and home in danger all because of a forgotten door? When had she gotten so incompetent? Maybe she _ was _ a frivolous thing. 

She reluctantly headed inside to the sad mess that would be waiting. 

The house was dark and quiet. Vilde swallowed down that lingering sickness. “Mamma?” she called. “I'm home.” No response. No surprise. “I - I got caught up at work, but I'm home now.” She walked through the house, turning on lights as she went. The stove hadn't been used. “Did you have any dinner?” No answer. That _ was _ the answer, she supposed. 

Vilde set her bag down by the dining table with a sigh. This was the _ perfect _day for this to happen. With aching feet, she hesitantly crept to mamma’s room. Dread mixed in with that fading sickness the closer she got. 

She knocked on the door. “Mamma?” No answer. Pushed it open. The room was dark. Mamma was bundled in a small heap on the further side of her bed, unmoving. Vilde slowly got closer. “Mamma,” she said, keeping her voice gentle. “I’m here now.” 

Mamma did nothing to acknowledge her presence. Vilde knew mamma knew she was there. She climbed on the bed behind mamma and stroked her arm to comfort her. “It’s okay, mamma. It’s just you and me now.” 

Mamma sniffled and rubbed her face into the duvet, tightening her arms around herself. Vilde kept up the soothing arm stroking, occasionally moving her hand to mamma’s back. “Do you want something to eat?” Silence. “I can make you something?” Still nothing. She bit her lip and looked around the room. 

A certain picture on mamma’s mirror caught her eye. It was a family photo. Mamma and pappa sat close together in the grass with a young Vilde sitting on their laps. They were all wearing big, stupid smiles. It resembled those stock photographs that came in picture frames. Vilde didn't remember that day. No matter how many times or how long she stared at it. They all looked so happy. A very convincing lie, no doubt. Vilde couldn’t understand why mamma still kept it on her mirror after all these years. What good was keeping a nice picture of her ex-husband right where she would have to see it every single day? Vilde couldn't stand to look at it another second. 

“Are you cold?” she asked. She slid off the bed without waiting for the response she knew she wouldn't get. “I’ll go get you a blanket.” One step and her feet tangled in some fabric at the foot of the bed. “Ah!” Her tangled feet got the best of her and she fell to the wooden floor with a plonk. The culprit was mamma’s favourite turquoise blanket. Grandmother had made it for her right after the divorce. Vilde kicked it off her feet and pulled herself up. “Didn't have to go far,” Vilde joked, more with herself. She covered mamma with the soft blanket and gave her back another gentle stroke. “There.” 

The door creaked. “Meow.” 

“Hi, Romeo,” Vilde greeted. The tabby cat jumped onto the bed and sniffed the duvet. “Look, mamma, Romeo came to cuddle.” Vilde pet him gently, scratching behind his ears just the way he liked. Maybe he could cheer mamma up. She leaned down to kiss mamma’s shoulder. “Night, mamma.” 

Vilde slowly backed out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar in case mamma needed her in the night. She took a deep breath, fighting back the sobs that desperately wanted to be released. _ No crying. _Vilde trudged to her room, picking up her bag on the way. Her phone buzzed inside. It was sitting on top of her still slightly damp blouse. She grabbed it out. 

> **Chris: **Who’s excited for Thursday?
> 
> Girls day!
> 
> **Noora: **can’t wait!
> 
> **Sana: **I've got some good news to share
> 
> **Chris: **ur pregnant 
> 
> **Sana: **Ha
> 
> Ha
> 
> Ha
> 
> **Chris: **you getting married
> 
> **Sana: **it won't be fun if i tell you now
> 
> **Chris: **you
> 
> are right
> 
> **Noora: **when is she not
> 
> **Chris: @Vilde Lien Hellerud **are u still comig? 

Vilde thought about responding. She thought of a few funny guesses she could make about Sana’s news. Her heart was heavy. That horrible sickness persisted, swimming inside her gut. Everything ached, inside and out. She was so fucking tired. 

Vilde could barely remember a time she wasn’t. 

*********

“This smells so good,” Noora moaned before taking a bite of her pasta. 

“Mm hm mm mmm,” Chris said - or rather mumbled - while chewing on her steak. 

Sana smiled, amused. “Yeah, my food’s great, thanks,” she said. 

Vilde swallowed a mouthful of delicious salmon. “I’ll never get how you can understand her.” 

Sana shrugged. “I grew up with brothers. Boys are gross,” she explained. Vilde and Noora nodded in agreement. 

“Hey,” Chris said much clearer, “Are you calling _ me _ gross?” 

Sana gave her shoulder a pat. “No,” she laughed. “I’m just used to hearing people speak with their mouths full.” 

“I never want to stop eating when I’m at your house, Sana,” Noora said. “So I sort of get where they're coming from.” 

“Yeah, but boys also _ are _ gross,” Vilde chimed in. “You don’t have to be gay to know that.” 

Chris nudged Sana with her elbow, food forgotten. “Yousef isn’t gross,” she said in her teasing voice. 

“No, he isn’t,” Sana said, hiding her smile. 

Chris waggled her eyebrows. “So? What is this good news you need to tell us?” 

Sana rolled her eyes and laughed. “Well, I'm not getting married. And I’m _ not _pregnant.” 

Chris slumped in her chair. “That’s disappointing.” 

“Just tell us!” Noora insisted. 

“Okay.” Everyone leaned in closer, the anticipation growing with each excruciating second Sana paused. She gave them a smug smile. “_ I _ got accepted into the UvA medical program!” 

“The one in Amsterdam?” Vilde asked. 

“The one she hasn't stopped talking about,” Chris said. She pulled Sana into a crushing hug. Vilde could feel her own bones crushing just watching it. “I’m so proud of you!” 

“That’s such good news!” Noora enthused. She reached over the table to rub Sana’s shoulder. It was all of Sana’s body that wasn't enveloped in Chris’s bear hug. “I’m so happy for you.” 

“Thank you, but will you please let me breathe!” Sana laughed, struggling out of Chris’s grip. 

“Love me!” 

The girls exchanged several more congratulations and ‘I knew you could do it’ sentiments while Vilde sat quietly. She should be happy for Sana. She _ was _happy for her. This was all she’d wanted since last year. And of course she deserved it. Sana was so smart and hardworking. Vilde should be ecstatic. That's how good friends reacted to their friend’s good news. So, why did this put a sinking feeling in her gut? 

“That’s really amazing, Sana,” she said eventually, forcing a wide-eyed smile. She shouldn't _ have _ to force it this time. This was fantastic news and she was so proud of Sana. She was. 

She was. 

“Everyone’s moving up in life,” Chris said cheerfully. She wiped at a fake tear. “Noora with your promotion, Sana with your exchange.” 

“You with your stand up career taking off,” Sana said, rubbing Chris’s arm. Vilde with nothing, no one said. Chris gave them a little bow. “Oh, you should've seen Isak’s face,” Sana laughed. “He's so jealous.” 

“And let me guess, he swears he's not?” Noora said. 

“We know him so well.” 

That couldn't be it. Vilde couldn’t be _ jealous _of her friends. She knew what jealousy felt like. This wasn't it. Yet with each accomplishment Chris and Sana had listed, Vilde felt herself sink even further. They were leaving her behind. 

She was the worst friend in the world. 

“Hey, you never told us how your date with Kasper went,” Noora said to Chris. 

Vilde had no idea how the conversation had gotten here. _ Focus, _she urged herself. 

“Oh.” Chris’s cheeks turned pink. It was a sight they rarely saw. 

They all leaned in and let out a collective, “Oooo.” 

Chris laughed, blush deepening. “It was really good. I really like him.” 

Noora and Sana tilted their heads and pouted to show just how sweet they thought that was. And it was sweet. So why. Why was all Vilde could feel that terrible sinking?! 

“We really are taking over the world,” Noora said. She looked over at Vilde, who immediately straightened her shoulders and released her frown. “You said we would back in third year, remember?” 

That Vilde had been more optimistic. She wasn't quite as worn. That Vilde still carried silly hope and denial in her heart. This Vilde missed her sometimes. “Uh, yeah. I did say that.” 

“Are you okay?” Sana asked. 

“Yeah!” Vilde squeaked, perking right up. She gave the girls her wide-eyed smile again. “I’m great.” 

Sana looked at her like he usually did when she did this; like she saw right through her. Vilde squirmed under her scrutiny. No one was allowed to see underneath the pleasant smiles. Her friends may be taking over the world, but Vilde was nowhere close. She had nothing. She was no good. 

“What’s, uh… what’s been happening with you lately?” Chris asked. Vilde twitched at the carefulness in her tone. The only thing worse than being pathetic was people _ knowing _she was pathetic. 

Well. She didn’t have to let them know just how pathetic. “Uh… I’m… I’m seeing someone, actually.” 

“Oh! Nice.” 

“Someone from work?” Noora asked. 

“Yeah,” Vilde said, searching her mind to piece together the lie. “I’m _ always _ there, so it had to be at work,” she laughed. The girls nodded, brows raised. _ Ugh. _“Yeah, her name’s Camille and it’s… it’s going really great.” 

“How come we’re only hearing this now?” Chris asked. “I want to hear all about your new lady.” 

Vilde laughed uncomfortably. “She’s…” Vilde thought of Camille’s messy ponytails and her sarcasm and how she would stink after a long shift. “She’s pretty special.” Vilde leaned in, brows raised. “I had like, ten orgasms yesterday.” 

“Ten?” Chris snorted. 

“Way too much information,” Sana said, looking around the restaurant. Noora nodded through her snickering. 

That would stop the questions for a while. And now they all knew Vilde wasn't a complete loser. 

There was no way they’d ever find out it was complete bullshit. 

*********

Vilde leaned her head on the cool tram window. Even dirt would make a better headrest than this hard glass. She was just _ so _ tired. When did hanging out with her friends become so draining? It never used to leave her feeling so empty afterwards. 

She was a liar. She was envious. She was pathetic.

Vilde was terrible, a useless waste of space. Perhaps it was time she stopped bothering people with her presence. She barely knew what to say anymore. The girl who used to never shut up no longer knew what to say. To the very people she used to say _ anything _to. Sounded like the set up to a bad joke. 

A cold nose pressed into her arm and inhaled deeply. The owner of said nose gently took hold of her arm and smelled up to her shoulder. Vilde tried to pull away while she squirmed in her seat. “What the hell?!” 

The creepy sniffer lifted their head. Creepy sniffer was a very pretty girl. A very familiar pretty girl. “It’s you!” she said. 

“Oh,” Vilde laughed awkwardly and took her arm back. “Hi. Um. Did you end up getting into your apartment alright?”

The girl snapped her fingers. “That was you!” 

“...yeah?” Vilde knitted her brows in confusion. 

“Oh,” the girl laughed. “No, see, I meant, it’s you!” Vilde stared at her, wondering if there was something she was missing. The girl shook her head and leaned in to take a big sniff of Vilde’s hair. 

“You’re… smelling me.” 

The girl looked up at her with a smile. Vilde gulped at how close their faces were. “Because you’re the one.” 

“Which one?” 

The girl laughed and pulled her scarf from around her neck. She brought it to her nose and breathed in, eyes closed in euphoria. “Mm. Yep. Here.” She held the scarf out to Vilde. 

“My scarf!” Vilde took it back gladly and hugged it to her chest. She thought it was gone forever, doomed to end up on the side of the road, or even worse; worn by someone wearing _ coral _. “You found it.” 

“And now I found you.” 

That made Vilde’s breath hitch. She felt her cheeks grow hot. “Lucky,” she laughed, wrapping her scarf around herself. “I can’t believe it.” 

“Yeah, I guess I owe you.” The girl studied her for a moment, then smiled. “Thank you for walking me home the other night.” 

“I couldn't leave you on the street like that.” 

“You could’ve,” the girl insisted. “But you didn’t. You picked my drunk ass up and dragged me home. Guess I can say you’re my hero.” 

Vilde’s cheeks were burning so hot, she doubted her foundation would conceal them. She cleared her throat. “Guess I should say you’re welcome.” She lifted one end of her scarf. “And thank you.” 

The girl leaned closer, thighs pressing against hers. It should've been way too invasive for a stranger, but Vilde welcomed the contact. She felt like she knew this girl somehow. Maybe in another life, or something. 

The girl looked at Vilde seriously and told her, “You smell really nice.” 

“You, uh,” she stopped to laugh, “you told me that before. That night.” 

“And I’m telling you again.” The girl bit her lip and pulled her fingers back into loose fists. “Uh. This is going to sound… _ really _ weird and fake,” said the girl who had been sniffing Vilde just a few moments ago. The girl swallowed before going on, “Ugh. I just - I feel - I feel like I know you. Like - okay, so I don’t know who I am, but you remind me of something I can’t figure out and you - you smell like… home.” 

“Uh. Wow.” The tirade shouldn't have made any sense. It was all a jumble of meaningless words filled with obvious delusions. Or perhaps it was a lame attempt at a pickup line. Yet something deep inside urged Vilde to believe her. Somehow, it did make sense. More than anything. 

“You think I’m insane, don’t you?” 

“A little strange,” Vilde said with a smile. “But not insane.” 

The girl let out a happy breath. They looked at each other in silence. The girl was even prettier in the daylight. She cleared her throat. “So, um. Do you want to hang out? Go for a drink?” 

Vilde wanted to. God, she wanted to. But that sinking pit in her stomach had rendered her body lethargic. The very thought of _ more _ talking and lying and hiding today was exhausting. She was tired of pretending. 

“I can’t,” she sighed apologetically. “Oh, it sounds great,” she added quickly when the girl’s face dropped. “I just. I need to get home now.” 

“No problem,” the girl said despite her obvious disappointment. “What about some other time?” 

Another time sounded perfect. “Sure!” 

The girl pulled her phone out of her pocket. “Okay, can I get your-”

“This is my stop,” Vilde said, standing as the tram pulled in. The girl remained where she was. “Don’t you live around here, too?” 

“Yeah, but I’m meeting some people,” the girl said regretfully. 

But she asked Vilde out for a drink? “Okay, well. I need to go now. Bye.” 

“I’ll find you again,” the girl called right as Vilde reached the door. She sounded so sure, Vilde almost believed her. 

“I hope you do,” Vilde said. She hopped off the tram and watched it leave with a silly half smile on her pink face. It wasn't until it disappeared that she realised she still hadn't gotten the girl’s name. _ Shit. _

She dragged her feet all the way home with the confusing mix of emotions swirling inside. There was the sinking, the disappointment, the shyness, the excitement. And most of all: the overwhelming exhaustion. 

The house was quiet when she got home, as expected. Vilde put her bag down. Gave Romeo a nice scratch. Headed to mamma’s room. She hadn’t left it in days. Vilde wasn’t sure if the ensuite was lucky or unfortunate. 

Mamma was curled up in the same position Vilde always found her in. Curled up on the far side of the bed, facing the wall. At least she was under her favourite blanket. Freezing to death was the last thing either of them needed. 

Vilde approached the bundle and hugged it. She rested her temple on mamma’s shoulder. “How was your day?” she asked, knowing there'd only be silence in response. “Mine was tiring. I’m glad I’m home now.” 

Romeo wandered in, meowing for attention. “Hey, boy.” Vilde patted the space beside her. He jumped up and curled up against mamma’s back. Vilde’s weary heart melted just a little at the sight of the sleepy kitty. “Romeo loves you a lot,” Vilde told mamma. She pulled back, sitting at the edge of the bed. Found the energy to say, “Remember last time you were down and you mentioned Doctor Khan? Mm, well I think you should go back to her again. Like a few years ago how you were seeing her once a month. You always liked her. Wouldn’t it be nice to go back?” 

Mamma responded by blowing out a puff of air into her pillow. It didn't sound like a happy puff. Vilde chuckled and gave Romeo another scratch. “It’ll be nice,” she said, suddenly choking up. “Everything will be perfect.” 

She sat there in the heavy silence until it became equally as exhausting as lunch. Vilde gave mamma a single pat and left without another word. If she tried to speak again, she’d probably cry. 

Vilde wasn't supposed to cry. 

*********

“Fuck me,” was an interesting way to enter into a conversation. 

Vilde flung the kitchen door closed to make her presence known. Camille was hunched over, hands on her lower back. “Are you okay there?” Vilde asked, unable to bite away her smirk. 

“Back pain,” Camille groaned. She straightened up. “Ooh, fuck. This body isn't what it used to be. It’s official. I'm getting old.” 

“You are twenty two,” Vilde said pointedly. 

“Only on the outside.” 

Elias pushed the kitchen door open and stood in the doorway. “Does anyone know why we’re closing early?” 

“Why are you questioning it?” Even called from the kitchen. “We can get the fuck out of here sooner.” 

“Thank fuck,” Eskild, the other cook called. 

Elias rubbed his eyes. “Just checking I didn't hallucinate the last half hour.” 

“There’s only so much illegal overtime Willhell can force out of us,” Camille said, ending on another groan. “Ah, fuck.” 

“That’s no way for a lady to speak,” Elias teased. Camille dashed over and whacked him in the stomach. “Ah!” He let go of the door to clutch his middle, which meant the door swung back to hit him in the face. “Argh! Stop attacking me!” 

“You did that all on your own,” Camille retorted, looking way too proud of herself. 

“It’s been a good day, hasn't it?” Vilde said, nodding at the door. Elias was still groaning behind it while Even and Eskild laughed at him. 

“Now it has,” Camille said with a wink. 

It took the team no time at all to gather their things and lock up for the night. They all stood side-by-side, looking at their closed diner in disbelief. 

“We’re actually free,” Iben, another server said. 

“Anyone got any hot plans for the night?” Eskild asked. 

“Sleep,” Even said. 

It was a wonderful, genius plan. One that Vilde hoped to replicate soon. She looked beside her. “Hey, where did Camille and Elias go?” 

The others looked around them, perplexed by their sudden disappearance. “How the hell did they get away without us noticing?” Iben said. 

“Maybe there’s a really sneaky murderer hanging around,” Eskild said, shifting his eyes like he was telling a scary story at a campfire. “And because we always close so late, he gets bored and leaves. But now that we’re a few hours early…” 

“Or maybe they’re superheroes and they snuck off to fight crime,” Even said. 

“Or maybe there’s a completely normal explanation,” Vilde said, unsettled by Eskild’s… joke? She couldn't be sure what he was going for. 

“Yeah, maybe they’re hooking up,” Iben said. 

The group considered it before bursting into laughter. 

“I remember Camille specifically saying he’s the last person she would ever fuck. Even if it came down to them being responsible for repopulating the earth, which I thought was a bit dramatic,” Eskild said. “He _ is _ pretty cute.” 

“And annoying,” Vilde added. 

“That too.” 

“Should we get going?” Even suggested. The group all voiced their agreement and headed towards the tram stop. 

They exchanged theories on why William really had them close early. Eskild guessed he’d rented the place to a biker gang so they could gamble. Even guessed William was a super villain and needed to use the restaurant as his lair. Iben guessed he was hosting an orgy. Vilde highly doubted any of those things were even close to the truth. 

“Vilde!” 

Vilde nearly jumped out of her skin. Chris and Noora hurried across the street to her. “Oh, hey.” 

“Hello ladies,” Eskild greeted. 

The girls exchanged greetings with the others before each giving Vilde a hug. “Don’t you usually get off work like four hours from now?” Chris asked. 

“William needed the place for a makeshift sex dungeon,” Iben said. 

“He’s not having an orgy,” Vilde laughed. “We just closed early.” 

“That’s weird,” Noora said. 

“Why, do you know anything?” Eskild pressed. 

“Only that it’s weird you closed early.” 

“What are you two up to, anyway?” Vilde asked. 

“We were scoping something out for the newspaper, but it turned out to be a bust.” 

“I thought it would be like James Bond, so I tagged along,” Chris said. The group resumed their short trek to the tram stop. 

“You thought writing an article would be like James Bond?” Even laughed, eyes crinkling. 

Chris threw her arms up. “She said we would be sneaking around and looking for evidence.” 

“Oh my God, isn’t that Camille?” Iben exclaimed, pointing to the couple leaning against the shelter at the tram stop. 

“And Elias!” Eskild added. 

The weird night got a whole lot weirder. Camille and Elias held onto each other tight while they sucked on each other’s tongues. 

“And you guys laughed,” Iben said smugly. 

“We thought you were joking,” Even said, laughing at the unlikely sight. 

“I _ was _!” Iben snorted. 

“Wait, Camille as in your girlfriend, Camille?” Noora asked Vilde. 

Vilde’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest._ Shit. Shit shit fucking shit. _“Uhhh, n-no,” she stuttered, face darkening. 

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” Even said. 

Noora squinted at the couple. “Really? That really looks like the picture you showed us.” 

Chris raised her brows at them as Camille let out an audible moan. “Man, they are really going at it.”

“Wait, you and Camille aren’t dating are you?” Eskild asked. “I didn’t think she was into girls?” 

“I, uh - I…” _ Shit fuck and SHIT, _ Vilde thought as the panic began to rise. Why did she tell them this? And why, why, _ why _did she show them Camille’s actual picture?! 

“Vilde, did you - oh.” 

_ Shit. _

And there it was. Noora’s clever journalist brain pieced it together in an instant. Now they knew exactly how pathetic she was. And that she was a liar. 

“Are you alright?” Even asked. 

“I… I… I have to go.” With that, she spun around and dashed off in the other direction. 

“Vilde, wait!” Chris called after her. 

Vilde couldn't stop now. She heard Camille exclaim, “Oh, shit,” meaning they must’ve noticed the group catching them in the act. Vilde would much rather be in her position. 

She kept on down the street until she could turn the first corner. She rested against the wall of the building beside her. What the hell was she supposed to do? The others would be waiting there until the tram came and then who knew how long Noora and Chris planned on sticking around? What if someone tried to go after her? _ Fuck! _She couldn’t stay here. 

Vilde pushed herself off the wall and immediately crashed into a body. “Oof!” they both huffed. 

“Oh!” It was the pretty girl. “Hey. Sorry.” 

“I told you I’d find you again,” the girl said, smile growing. 

Vilde breathed a laugh. “You did.” 

The girl tilted her head, eyes filled with concern. “You okay?” 

“Not really.” 

The girl gave her an empathetic smile. “How about that drink?” 

There was nothing in the world Vilde wanted more at that moment than something to drink. “Yes.” 

The girl’s entire face lit up. She was cute. “Awesome! C’mon, I know a cool bar around here.” 

“Spiders, right?” 

“That’s it.” 

Vilde felt her phone buzzing in her bag. She ignored it, linking her arm through the girl’s. The action felt natural. “Let’s go.” 

The girl whisked her away from the terrible mess Vilde created. She couldn’t wait to drown her sorrows in some wine. Maybe she could forget what a complete loser she’d become. 

Vilde sat at a booth while the girl got them some drinks. She tapped her fingers on her knees and looked around the bar. There were some guys she’d gone to high school with playing pool in the corner. The old Vilde would’ve gone over and chatted for a while. This Vilde sank back into her seat, hoping they wouldn't notice her. 

“Here we go,” the girl said, placing their drinks on the table. Vilde snatched her wine and took a big gulp. “Whoa, you’re eager,” the girl laughed. 

“It’s been a rough night.”

The girl nodded and took a big gulp of her own wine. She pulled a face. “I get it.” 

Vilde liked her. “I didn’t get your name.” 

The girl set her glass down. “E.”

“Just E?”

“It starts with E.” 

Vilde quirked a brow at her. “You… don’t know your own name?”

“I told you I don’t know who I am. On the tram.”

“I thought it was a figure of speech.” 

The girl pushed her hair off her shoulder and leaned in. “About three months ago, I woke up on the street. Not far from where we first met.” Vilde’s lips quirked into a small smile at the memory. The girl took another gulp of her wine. “I had no idea who or where I was.” 

“You lost your memory?” 

“Must’ve. Because I’ve been looking around, but I still don’t know anything.”

“You don’t have any family?” 

“Either I don't, or they don’t care. No one’s looking for me.” She looked sad, though she tried to appear nonchalant. Vilde wondered if she was this easy to read. She hoped the fuck not. 

This girl could use some hope. “Maybe someone _ is _ looking for you, but you’re just missing each other. Like none of you are looking in the right places.” 

The girl pursed her lips in thought. Her shiny lip gloss glinted in the dim lighting. “Maybe.” 

“Why don’t we start with your name? Can’t be that hard, right?” The girl shrugged. “E. Hm. Emma? Eili? Emilie? Elsa?” The girl shook her head to all. One name popped in Vilde’s head. A name she hadn't used in years. It used to be her favourite. “Eva?” 

The girl’s eyes lit up. “Eva. Hello, I’m Eva. Hm.” She gave Vilde a smile that took up her entire face. It was impossible not to smile back. “Ha! I think that’s it. Eva! I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to figure it out. Eva.” She laughed gleefully. “Thank you!” 

Vilde bowed her head. “It was nothing,” she said, smug about her small victory. 

“Wow. I can’t believe I have a name now. It’s like I’m a whole new person.” 

She seemed like it. Vilde reached her hand across the table. “It’s nice to meet you, Eva. I’m Vilde.” 

Eva shook her hand eagerly. “An honour,” she said. “Vilde’s a nice name. I think it’s my favourite name.” Vilde laughed. “No, I’m serious! Like, I think I’m remembering something.”

“You remember Vilde is your favourite name?” Vilde laughed, unconvinced. 

Eva nodded slowly, eyes wide. “My first memory!” 

“That doesn’t really help us with much.”

“Us?”

“Oh, well…” Vilde faked a cough and took another sip of her wine when she felt her cheeks warm. “I thought maybe I could help you. I could help you find answers.” 

“That’s - yeah! Yeah, that’d be great! We’ll be a team. We’ll figure it out together.” She bopped her head to the music cheerfully. 

Vilde recalled what Eva said to her on the tram. About feeling like she knew her, even though they’d never met. Eva and all her funny, endearing strangeness. She reminded Vilde of an old friend. A very special one. But that was impossible, Vilde told herself. She resisted the urge to laugh out loud. 

It was just a coincidence. 

*********

They’d been at it so long, Vilde’s hands were starting to ache. 

Vilde held her last poster against the streetlight. She bit off some tape and secured it around the pole. “There,” she said to herself, satisfied with the days efforts. 

“How many did we do?” Eva called as she approached. 

“All one hundred of them.” 

“Wow.” Eva stood back to look at their ‘do you know this person?’ poster. She tilted her head at it. “It looks all professional, doesn’t it? Like the police made it, or something.” 

“I don’t know about that,” Vilde laughed, linking her arm with Eva’s. “But they do the job.” 

“Now if anyone’s looking for me, the only way they’ll miss me is if they're in Zimbabwe! We must’ve put up like eight hundred by now.” 

Over the last three weeks, they’d put up exactly nine hundred and fifty two posters around Oslo. They stuck them to walls, windows, telegraph poles, street lights, street signs, tram stops, fences. And Vilde kept count of every single one. 

This was all before they had to pop them into letter boxes. Eva thought that step was unnecessary, but as Vilde had pointed out, did she want answers or not? 

In between all this, they’d hang out at Spiders or Eva’s apartment. It was nice so long as Eva’s weird roommate wasn't there. He was a mouth breather. 

Vilde and Eva strolled along the street, arm in arm. “Where are you taking me?” Eva asked, voice bouncing with her giggles. She was so cute. 

“I had an idea.” 

“You always have ideas,” Eva said. “Seriously, you’re the most idea-ery person I’ve ever met. Or at least, I think you are.” 

Vilde gave Eva’s arm a few pats while they walked. “Just come on.” A familiar laugh froze her to the spot. 

Eva almost tripped. “Whoa. Vilde? You okay?” 

Chris, Noora, Sana and a guy she assumed was Kasper were exiting the frozen yogurt place across the road. They were speaking animatedly and laughing while they ate their frozen yogurt cups. She knew Chris would’ve gotten mango, Sana chocolate, and Noora raspberry. Sana would manage to finish it without messing up her lipstick, while Noora would end up with smudged red all around her lips. Chris would slip the spoon into her pocket and forget it was there until it was rattling around in her washing machine. 

She knew all these things without having to think. And it made her heart clench. She missed Chris’s bear hugs. Sana’s knowing looks. Noora’s rants. She missed how no matter how bad a day she was having, they’d always manage to make her laugh. They’d all been messaging her just about everyday. Vilde couldn’t respond. Not after she’d messed it all up. 

“Why don’t you go over there and say hi? I could meet them.”

Vilde’s gut clenched up at the thought. She imagined herself doing just that; walking over and saying hello while they stared at her silently with judgemental disdain. Wishing she would go away. Vilde tightened her hold on Eva’s arm. “I can’t,” she said. 

“Why not?” 

“I just - I can’t.” They watched her old friends get further and further away. As the anxiety faded, the longing grew. 

“Hey, I’m sure they’re not going to judge you. They just want to talk. They probably miss you. You miss them, right?” 

More than anything. Vilde couldn’t think about this now. Not when they had things to do. “Let’s just go, okay?” 

Eva let herself be pulled along. “Okay,” she said. They stopped in front of The Diner. 

“We’re outside of The Diner,” Eva observed. 

“We are.”

“Where you work.”

“Yes.”

“The place that takes up most of your time, so you hate it with a vengeance.”

“Yes!” Vilde laughed. “We’re at my work where I hate most of the time. But it’s a job.” 

Eva bit her lip. “Can I ask you something?” Vilde nodded, feeling her mood lift. “Do you ever want more for yourself?” 

So much for the lifted mood. “Um. I guess.” 

“Because I meant it when I said you always have ideas. Not just ideas, but good ones! And you made all those posters from nothing and mapped out where we were gonna put them all. You always know what to do and where to go. You’re, like, really special,” Eva said. 

Vilde's heart thudded against her chest. “Not really,” she chuckled uncomfortably. 

“Yes really! Vilde, you - you’re capable of so much, I can't believe you don't know it. I think you could do anything you wanted.” 

Words that hadn’t been spoken to her in years. Back then, she believed them. The thing about getting older was everything changed. All it took was a couple years for one’s entire outlook to change. Vilde was unsure of so much. What in the hell was she supposed to do with herself? Would she ever be good enough? Would the desire for something more ever eclipse the debilitating fear of failure? One thing was certain; Vilde was not prepared to deal with any of that today. 

Vilde swallowed hard, blinking away the silly tears in her eyes. “So can you,” she deflected. Eva gave her a look , but Vilde spoke before she could say anything, “I was thinking you could get a job?”

“I have jobs,” Eva said, confused. 

“I know, but I meant like an official one, not the random babysitting and house sitting stuff.” 

“House sitting is fun,” Eva insisted. 

“Sure, but I thought maybe you’d like something more consistent?” 

“Here?”

“We’re desperately understaffed and… well, since I’m here so much, I guess it means we could be, like, together more. I don’t know. Do you think it’s stupid?” 

“None of your ideas are stupid.” The sentiment was nice, but Vilde knew it was an absolute joke. Eva studied The Diner while she thought. “Don’t I need a resume?” 

“William hired Elias’s friend on the spot last week after a two minute conversation. He’s desperate.” 

Eva shrugged her shoulders back. “Okay. Why not.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, let’s get me a job.” They entered together and Vilde led Eva to the back. 

“Hey, Vilde,” Even greeted as they passed through the kitchen. “Vilde’s friend,” he added with a polite nod. 

“Hey, guy,” Eva responded. 

Vilde quickened the pace, hoping she wouldn’t run into anyone else on the way. She realised trying to avoid the people she spend _ hours _ with almost everyday was ridiculous, but she’d managed to keep it up alright since that humiliating night. The girls had probably filled them in on Vilde’s stupid little lie after she literally ran away. Now everyone knew how pathetic she was. At least now with Eva here, she’d have someone to hide behind. 

William’s office door was open, revealing him sitting back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling and twiddling his thumbs. Good to know how busy he was. Vilde gave the door a single knock. William jumped and scrambled to sit upright. 

“Vilde!” he exclaimed, flustered. “Come in!” 

“I was wondering, since I’ve been doing _ all _that overtime lately, you could do me a little favour?” 

“What do you want?” he asked flatly. 

“Well, my friend here…” She gestured to Eva, who stepped up. 

“Hello, I’m Eva and I’d like to work here, please,” she said in a bright voice. 

William rubbed his eyes and sighed. “Do you have any experience working in hospitality?” 

“Not exactly.” 

“Working with customers?” 

“Kind of.” 

He parted his fingers to look at her. “Ugh, whatever. You’re hired, congratulations,” he said unenthusiastically. “You know where all the forms are.” 

Vilde bounced over to his desk and grabbed what they needed. “Thanks!” 

“Uh huh.” 

They waited until they’d left his office to laugh together gleefully. Eva jumped up an down. “Oh my God!” 

“Welcome aboard, Eva no last name.” 

*********

In no time at all, everyone had adopted Eva as one of their own. Vilde knew they would. She proudly watched Eva thrive in everything she did there. Including her mistakes. She would always get right up and say, ‘no problem!’ 

She was great at carrying lots of things at once. She was great at cleaning, which was funny, considering the bombsite that was her bedroom. She was great at dealing with customers. Even the difficult ones. And there had been _ lots _of difficult ones. 

_ Everyone _ adored her. Including William. 

William who was acting weirder and weirder with each new day. He barely yelled at anyone anymore. That used to be his favourite thing. 

“I’m telling you, something's up,” Elias said for the fortieth time one day. 

Camille rolled her eyes. “Great guess, genius.”

“Are you still pretending to hate me?” he teased. 

She crossed her arms. “Who says I’m pretending?” 

“My memories,” he said in a mock-dreamy voice. 

“Ugh!” 

It was obvious. But he was right. There was no way they would’ve been able to close early for almost an entire month if something wasn’t up. It was a welcome change, of course, though a bizarre one. The change was compensated by keeping _ everyone _ on _ all _ day. Something that’d been happening for quite a while now. 

The change in William himself was much more worrisome. This new William, the contemplative, troubled one who never left his office, not even to yell at them, was not the boss they knew and loved to hate. A small part of Vilde missed the way he would run around frantically. 

This was the new normal they’d all gradually gotten used to. The passing days revealed that, yes, it really could get worse. The food supply for each day was less and less. The customers were getting more impatient and twice as rude. The bratty teen who’d sent his perfectly fine steak back _ four _ times was lucky Vilde was so good at keeping up her wide-eyed smile. And that it took a while for her patience to wear thin. 

All this, and no word from William. Where was their cocky, business-savvy guy when they needed him most? 

One not particularly eventful Friday, they got their answer. 

After yet another early close, William called everyone to the centre of The Diner for a team meeting. The group stood there with bated breath. Eva squeezed Vilde’s hand. The warm feeling wasn’t quite enough to dispel the dread everyone shared. 

The solemn look on William’s face did nothing to soothe anyone’s worries. “Well, guys, it’s been three… decent years,” he began and Vilde did not like where this was headed. “I know you’ve all been noticing the recent changes. You know I liked to keep things well in order, and I haven't been able to do that lately. I just-” he paused, struggling to say whatever came next. “I just want to… thank you all for your hard work.” The effort of coughing out a ‘thank you’ seemed to physically hurt him. It was likely the first time he'd ever said it in his life. “Over the last year, we haven't been doing so well. And I, uh, as hard as I tried, I couldn't manage to keep us afloat and…”

Here it was. 

“I had to sell.” William straightened his tie with shaky hands. “Which means you’re all fired, okay bye.” He hurried to the back to escape. The slight quiver in his voice was all the evidence Vilde needed to know he really did care about this place. And maybe even them, in a small way. 

“Well, fuck,” Camille said. 

“That’s an understatement,” Even said. 

“It’s not like we didn’t know it was coming,” Vilde pointed out. 

“Still sucks.” 

“It sucks hairy balls with dick cheese,” Iben pouted. Everyone looked at her, eyes wide. “Am I wrong?” 

“Sadly, no,” Vilde said, cringing at her phrasing. 

They all stood in silence for several seconds. “Who’s up for the club?” Eva suggested after a while. 

“Hell yes, we need to commiserate,” Eskild said enthusiastically. 

“Why don’t we all meet at The Factory in an hour?” Eva said. “You can invite whoever else you want. Even William. And then we can party all night!” 

“Yeah!” the group cheered. 

*********

Eva posed in front of her mirror in her burgundy dress. “How do I look?” 

She looked beautiful. “Gorgeous,” Vilde said. 

Eva faced her and smiled. “So do you.” 

Vilde played with the hem of her glittery black skirt. “You think?” 

Eva padded closer to her. She leaned her forehead against Vilde’s, making it difficult to breathe. “Stunning,” she whispered, as if in awe. She played with Vilde’s hair for a while as Vilde tried her best to remember how to breathe. 

“We’re gonna be late,” Vilde whispered, heart racing. She had no idea her heart could thud and melt simultaneously. No one had _ ever _ made her feel this way. She was drunk without having had a drop of alcohol. She never wanted it to end, but she didn't know how much she could take. 

Right when she’d reached the peaking point, Eva pulled back, smiling warmly at her. “Let’s go, beautiful.” 

They arrived hand in hand like always, though tonight felt different somehow. The unspoken words were louder tonight. They were there in every touch, every look, every laugh, every word shared. They were even there in the way everyone else looked at them, a gleam in their eyes. 

“Oh my God,” Eva laughed, finally letting go of her hand. 

The loss of contact was so devastating, it nearly knocked Vilde off her feet. “What?” she asked, trying her very best to sound casual. 

“I hooked up with that guy like five months ago.” 

These words were like poison. Vilde tried not to let it kill her. Eva was allowed to be with other people if she wanted. Especially back before they’d even met. Nevermind the fact that they both felt like they’d known each other all their lives. Vilde didn’t own any part of her, she reminded herself. They owed each other nothing. 

She pulled herself together enough to follow Eva’s gaze to one of her kind-of-friends. “Jonas?” 

“You know him?” 

“We have mutual friends,” she explained, suppressing all the ugly jealousy deep down. “You guys had sex?” 

“Uh huh,” Eva confirmed, completely unaware of the war going on inside Vilde at this news. “He was sweet.” 

Jealousy was nothing compared to stinging disappointment. Her thoughts were interrupted by her buzzing phone. Hundreds of unread messages from her friends, both singular and in the group chat. They’d stopped after a while. Why the sudden interest again? And why at 23:00 on a Friday? Vilde couldn't help a little peak.

> **Chris: **guess we’ll see you tonight 

Vilde’s heart stuck in her throat. She prayed to whoever that it didn't mean what she thought it meant. There was no way. 

Eva grabbed both hands, giggling the way she did the night they met. All that wine had definitely begun to kick in. “C’mon! Come dance with me!” Eva pulled Vilde to the dance floor, giggling and snorting all the way. It was infectious. Vilde found herself laughing along with her and all her troubles melted away. Nothing else mattered but this. The two of them together. 

They swayed and jumped danced around like idiots. Until Eva brought her hands to Vilde’s waist. She pulled her close to rest their foreheads together while they swayed, slower now. Vilde didn't know what to do with her hands. They dangled down awkwardly. Eva grabbed her arms for her and put them around her. Vilde let out the breath she’d been holding and relaxed into their dance. She placed her hands in Eva’s hair, pressing on her forehead. They were so close, they had to go a little cross-eyed to look at each other. They were the only two people in the entire world. 

_ Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me _

As if hearing her silent prayer, Eva leaned in closer. Their noses brushed. Hearts raced. Lips just touched. 

And Vilde’s worst fear of the last few months came true. Chris, Noora and Sana were all here. Looking around the club. Standing dangerously close. 

Vilde pulled back from Eva just before the lip touching would’ve become a kiss. Eva looked confused. Vilde hated herself. 

“What’s wrong,” Eva laughed, trying to lean in again. 

Vilde stopped her, getting out of her embrace. Doing so nearly killed her. “I’m sorry,” she said, breathless. She couldn’t be sure what from. “I’m sorry, I have to-” 

She dashed away from Eva, weaving herself through the crowd to disappear. She expertly swallowed down her sobs. Why was she like this? 

All for nothing. 

“Vilde.” A hand on her shoulder turned her around. As much as Vilde hoped it was Eva, the sad face she saw belonged to Chris. Noora and Sana stood beside her, glum expressions matching. 

Vilde tried to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, she just gaped at them like an idiot. She _ was _ an idiot. 

Sana spoke first, “Where have you been?” Vilde didn’t expect her to sound so sorrowful. 

“Uh, I - I - been busy.” 

“You’re avoiding us.” 

“I-”

“Is this really all over that little lie?” Noora asked. Vilde wanted to die. “We don’t care about that, Vilde, we care about _ you _.” 

“You can talk to us about what’s going on,” Chris said. 

“I - there’s nothing-”

“We know there’s something, Vilde,” Chris said. “We know. You’ve been different for a while.”

“What we don’t know is why you’re shutting us out,” said Sana. 

Vilde finally found her voice enough to say, “What, so none of you have ever done the same? Oh yeah, _ I’m _ the worst. Why can’t you just let me deal with this on my own?” 

“We’re trying to tell you, you don’t have to,” Noora insisted. “Because it’s clearly not working.” 

“We’re here for you when you need us, Vilde,” Sana said. “We want to be, but we can’t be chasing after you forever.” 

Vilde didn’t need them to. She didn't need them. 

She took a shaky breath. “I… I don’t want you to,” she said, voice so small, it could barely be heard over the music. 

“You’re my best friend, Vilde,” Chris said. She wiped away a tear as quickly as it fell. Vilde choked back her own. “Whenever you’re ready.” She turned and pushed into the crowd. With some sad looks of their own, Sana and Noora followed. 

A single sob escaped. “Fuck,” she cried. It hurt swallowing down the rest. She looked around frantically. 

Her eyes finally landed on Eva. The relief vanished as soon as it appeared. Eva was laughing with Jonas. They were standing close. Vilde didn’t like the way Jonas was looking at Eva. It was way too similar to the way _ she _ looked at her. He had no right. What did he know about her? What did he have that Vilde was missing? 

She sniffled and swallowed down another painful sob. This place was too crowded, too hot. Everyone was standing way too close. They all looked fucking stupid. 

Vilde had to get away. 

*********

Unlike the club, the house was barren and cold. This was equally as suffocating. 

Vilde shivered at the door while she pulled off her shoes. Pointed and flexed her aching feet. Partying in heels was never worth the aftermath. Especially when part of that aftermath was tears. Vilde sniffled and gulped back her cries. The sound echoed off the lifeless walls. 

Chris’s heartbroken face flooded her mind. Her teary voice played over and over again. The one person Vilde had ever let close enough to _ almost _see under that wide-eyed smile. The second person, she corrected herself. 

Vilde could still feel Eva’s hands on her. Could still smell her perfume and sweat. Taste her flowery lip gloss on her own lips. Feel the warmth get swallowed up by crushing disappointment. 

It was a fluke, surely. They’d both been drinking. Eva liked to get handsy when she was in a good mood. She’d once told Vilde she felt like home. That obviously didn't mean what Vilde had thought. All those lingering, starry-eyed looks. Their caresses and touches. Vilde must’ve been misreading them all. It was no wonder Eva had never made a move. 

She didn’t want her. 

Nobody wanted her. 

Not Eva. Not Chris, or Noora, or Sana. Not The Diner. Not pappa. 

Vilde clenched her jaw to the point of pain. She was tired of living like this. It was too much. Too overwhelming. 

She pushed off the wall angrily and stormed into mamma’s bedroom. Mamma was in the same spot she’d been in for about two months. _ Of course _. Painful tears prickled Vilde’s eyes. It wasn’t fair. 

“Did you move at all today?” Vilde asked, voice tight. She noticed mamma flinch under her blanket. Vilde narrowed her eyes at the shape on the bed. “No, of course not,” she answered herself bitterly. “This room stinks, mamma, you know that? It stinks.” She sniffed loudly, the wetness on her face filling her with an anger she hadn't felt before. She’d never allowed herself. 

With another heavy gulp, she went on, “I shouldn’t have to be the adult, you know. You’re supposed to be _ my _ parents. You’re supposed to take care of _ me _ .” The shape on the bed remained still and silent while the words poured out of Vilde. “Shit, mum! You're never going to get it together, are you? Never.” She angrily wiped at her tears. _ They _ were the reason she was like this. “Why do you let him crush you like this? You think he lets you into his head? Think he lets _ anyone _get in his way? The world isn’t going to wait for you to finish crying in the corner whenever something goes fucking wrong!” 

Vilde waited for something, anything. Any type of response to let her know that lump on the bed was listening. She waited and waited. Nothing. Why did she always let herself get like this and do _ nothing _about it? Why did Vilde try so, so hard?

She tore out of the room with a huff, leaving her mother huddled under her blanket in the dark. They couldn’t live like this forever. They just couldn’t. 

Vilde stumbled to her bedroom, the sobs choking her as they forced their way out. It was all too much. Every single emotion she never let herself feel overwhelmed her body. _ Fuck. _She threw herself onto her bed, every part of her drained completely. 

Everything was ugly. Vilde was ugly. All her words circled in her mind. 

_ ‘Why can’t you just let me deal with this on my own?’ _

_ ‘You're never going to get it together, are you?’ _

_ ‘The world isn’t going to wait for you to finish crying in the corner whenever something goes fucking wrong!’ _

She saw Chris’s hurt face. The hint of betrayal in Sana’s eyes. Noora’s disappointment. Then she imagined mamma’s face. What did she look like while Vilde was yelling at her? What was she thinking now? Was she hurt? Betrayed? Disappointed? Was the guilt and hurt crushing her chest right now like it was Vilde’s? 

Vilde pressed her face into her pillow. Squeezed her eyes shut tight. _ Fuck. _What had she done? 

_ ‘The world isn’t going to wait for you to finish crying in the corner whenever something goes fucking wrong!’ _

A horrifying realisation sickened Vilde to her core. She’d sounded just like pappa. And the worst part? She wasn't entirely sure whether or not she meant it. All those terrible things she’d said. To her own mother. She couldn’t get it together herself and she yelled at mamma for the same thing? 

All the terrible, crushing sensations throughout her body kept her up all night. She was disgusting. And she was all alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part II will be posted in a few hours or so! I'm not entirely sure, but I may combine the two parts into one big one-shot. Ah, we'll see. If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading and stick around! The story aint over yet ;) 
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr at  
[thegirlnooneknows5](http://thegirlnooneknows5.tumblr.com/)  
My ask is always open and I am always lonely <3


	2. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -This chapter includes a little bit of violence, some magic and a lotta love!-
> 
> Listen to the Spotify playlist [HERE!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6lnNP33xyvb27G8gM3XzpI?si=bEKT9YW0RlSzU4SvXKpq9g) while you read!  
Each song fits a specific moment in the story (I spend a lot of time & consideration on my playlists) 
> 
> Enjoy!

Vilde’s phone had been buzzing non-stop over the weekend. She refused to check a single message. It was all too humiliating, too shameful, too exhausting. Vilde was all alone and it was all her fault. She deserved this. 

She deserved it. She deserved it. She deserved it. 

She thought of the old Vilde. The more outgoing, optimistic Vilde. The one filled with hope and naivety. The girl who never shut up. The Vilde who could pretend all day without getting burnt out. She wasn’t sure if that girl was ever real. Years and years of that wide-eyed smile left her unrecognisable to herself. Those lies and layers peeled away to reveal… she wasn't sure what. All she knew was that she didn’t like it. 

Who was Vilde Lien Hellerud? Underneath all the pleasantries and chatting and overcompensating? Vilde didn’t even know her. Did she even want to? 

Her phone buzzed some more. Eva’s contact lit up the screen yet again. The name did something weird to Vilde’s insides. The usual stomach fluttering was all confused and wonky. The guilt and embarrassment muddied the butterflies. They had no choice but to flutter in the fog. It was too thick for them to see through. They collided and fell over and over. Then got back up and went through it all again. 

She couldn’t take it. 

Vilde jumped up off her bed. Pulled her messy ponytail tighter. Dashed past the mirror so she wouldn’t have to see her washed-out complexion and dark circles. Snatched a large handful of posters off the kitchen counter. Slowed down to creep past mamma’s room. Her heart sank all the way down into her butt while she eyed the door. 

Her ugly words repeated in the back of her head. She regretted everything. She wished she could take it all back. _I’m sorry, mamma. _She knew she needed to apologise. Fear led her outside instead. The shame was nauseating. She shook it away. Time for a break. 

Vilde set a brisk pace along the sidewalk. As if hurrying away from all those unpleasant emotions. She slipped Eva’s posters into the letter boxes she passed. Two months and they hadn’t gotten any responses. Maybe no one really was looking for Eva. She couldn't imagine why not. Who wouldn’t want that charming, goofy, friendly girl in their life? Vilde caught herself smiling for the first time in days. This was what she did to her. 

Vilde walked around, distributing her flyers until the sun began to set. Her legs started to ache. The wind tinged her cheeks pink. She took a seat on a nearby bench for a short rest before she’d have to head back. The absence of another person with her hit deep. It was no longer easy to ignore. She felt rather silly craving for someone to talk to when she had shut herself off from everyone. 

“Vilde?” 

She snapped her head up. “Oh. Hi, Isak,” she said, surprised. He’d gotten taller again. And hairier. 

He stood in front of her for a while, hands in his pockets. “Uh…” 

“You can sit down,” Vilde chuckled weakly. 

He did. They watched the sun set over the hill. The bench was probably put there specifically for people to do exactly that. 

Isak cleared his throat. “I, uh, I’m sorry about your job.” 

Vilde hummed a response. They sat quietly for a while. It was oddly nice. Vilde knew why Isak was in the area. He hadn’t lived here in years, which meant one thing. A question pushed itself to the front of Vilde's mind. She bit her lip to stop it from escaping. Surely, it was too invasive. Too weird. That never used to stop her before, she figured. 

“How do you handle it? You know, with your mother?” 

Isak pulled an unreadable face, but quickly replaced the expression with something more...blank. He bit his cheeks, not meeting Vilde’s eyes. _Oh, God. _Vilde opened her mouth to take it back when Isak revealed, “Sometimes I don’t.” He shrugged against the bench. “I mean, I literally left her.” 

“But you guys have a good relationship now?” He wouldn’t be here this evening if they didn’t. 

He nodded, keeping his face pointed towards the setting sun. “It’s tough sometimes, you know? Well. You _do _know.” They’d had just enough conversations to know their family situations were eerily similar. They understood each other in a way. He let out a long, deep sigh. “Sometimes it’s hard to reach her and things get… weird. But now I have Even and I guess… well, I’d rather… have her around for the bad stuff than not at all. Like, I know I’d rather have her than miss her.” 

_‘I’d rather have her than miss her.’ _

Holy shit, that hit deep. “Yeah,” Vilde sniffed. Several faces popped into her mind. Mamma’s was the clearest. That small shape huddled on the far side of the bed. Her smiling face when they sang together in the kitchen. She loved both versions. “Me too.” 

Isak finally looked over at her. He hesitated, then reached over to pat her knee. “Whatever’s going on, it’ll be okay.” 

_God, _how she wished that were true. Vilde could really use a little magic. A glowing ornament held by small hands came to mind. She smiled sadly at the memory. Her wish never did come true. She wasn’t surprised. Things like that were impossible. Still. It was nice to dream for a while. 

Vilde found herself longing for that old friend. The one who made her feel invincible. Who gave her hope when there was none. No one had made her feel that way until… 

The buzzing in her pocket made her jump. She pulled her phone out of the tiny pocket in her sweatpants. 

> **Eva: **meet me at the spot we first met?

The desire to see her was strong enough to overpower the fear. She gulped and typed out a response. Pressed send before she could change her mind. 

> **Vilde: **okay
> 
> **Eva: **ill be waiting for u

She stared at the message, breathing heavily. Anxiety and anticipation flooded her veins. She felt more alive. “I…” A deep, sure breath. “I need to go now.” 

Isak patted his thighs and stood when she did. “Yeah, me too.” They stood in front of each other, small smiles on their faces. “See you, Vilde.” 

“See you, Isak.” 

She hurried back the way she came, pushing through the panting. All thoughts were consumed with her, her, her. She needed to see her. To touch her, to be touched by her. Vilde burned with the yearning. 

When Eva came into sight, Vilde broke out into a run. Eva saw her and ran towards her. They met halfway in a crushing hug that nearly knocked them off their feet. Vilde pressed her hands into Eva’s back. Felt her body against hers. Breathed her in. It felt like coming home. 

Vilde hadn’t realised she was crying until Eva pulled back to wipe away her tears. “You okay?” she asked with a soft laugh. It was gentle but gleeful. 

Vilde grabbed Eva’s hand where it rested on her face and squeezed. “I am now.” 

Eva brushed Vilde’s loose hairs behind her ear. “I missed you.” 

There it was again; the all encompassing warmth. The feeling of home. Of being known. “I’m sorry,” Vilde sniffed. 

Eva shook her head and stroked Vilde’s hair. “I was worried about you.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Eva rested her forehead against Vilde’s. Their breaths mingled. “You don’t need to be sorry.” 

“I _do_. I’m sorry for so much.” 

Eva cupped Vilde’s face. “What have you been doing?” she asked like old friends catching up. 

“Mm. Wallowing.” 

Eva chuckled. She pulled back, moving her hands to Vilde’s upper arms. “Put any thought into a new job?” 

Vilde sighed. She shook her head uselessly. “No one needs me anymore and I don’t know what to do.” 

“I need you,” Eva said honestly. Vilde’s heart leapt. “Vilde, I mean it when I say you can do anything. Look at everything you’ve done for me.” 

“I’d do anything for you.”

Eva stroked her arms with affectionate fingers. “I know you would.” She smiled. “It’s kind of a good thing The Diner went bust, huh?” Vilde frowned, unsure how she came to that conclusion. What good was no job? Eva laughed at her expression. “You’re free now. You’re free to do anything you want. Anything in the whole world. You can get a job you actually like. Do something that makes you happy.” 

Was it really possible? Could she ever have the life she used to dream about? “I don’t know,” Vilde said. 

Eva slid her hands down Vilde’s arms to lace their fingers. It sent a tingling through Vilde’s entire body. “Vilde,” Eva said sincerely. “You are so much more than you realise. You can do anything. You can take over the whole fuckin’ world.” 

It was too much and just enough and everything Vilde yearned for. She wanted to believe her so much. She kind of did. The words were so similar to ones she’d heard long, long ago. 

The way Eva was looking at her drove her wild. She couldn’t take it. Vilde let out a breath and leaned forward, capturing Eva’s lips with her own. Eva responded immediately, hugging her close. She parted her lips and added just the right amount of tongue. Vilde thought she was going to explode. She’d never felt this way ever. Like her soul was saying, ‘there you are’. _God! _She could do this forever. But it wasn’t enough. 

Vilde pulled back after a while. They were both panting, faces flushed. “Was that okay?” Vilde asked. 

Eva laughed joyfully. She was everything. “_So _okay, you have no idea.” 

Vilde thought she did. She took one of Eva’s hands. “Do you… want to do it again?” 

“Yes.” Eva wasted no time in responding. She moved her face closer, but Vilde leaned away. 

“I was thinking we could go to my house?” she suggested, heart pounding wildly. She wanted more. 

Eva licked her lips. It made Vilde tingly in her crotch. She felt the wetness begin to gather at the mere thought of - of _that. _Vilde blushed under Eva’s stare, wondering if she was thinking the same. The want in her eyes said all she needed to know. “Okay,” Eva smiled. 

They strolled to Vilde’s house in the dark. Vilde’s breath caught every time Eva stroked her wrist with her index finger. They didn’t talk much. The anticipation was too consuming to form coherent thoughts, let alone actual words. 

Vilde pressed a finger to her lips when they got in. Eva giggled quietly. She felt like she was sixteen again, sneaking around mischievously. “This way,” she whispered. 

Eva glanced around the dark house as they went, a strange look on her face. Vilde couldn't get herself together enough to ask what was wrong. She just couldn’t believe this was happening. They eventually found themselves standing across from each other in Vilde’s bedroom. The streetlight poured in through the window, lighting Eva’s face enough to show her shining eyes. Her heaving chest. 

She was beautiful. 

Vilde surged forward, pulling Eva into another kiss. This one was much heavier. There was more tongue, more pulling, more need. Vilde allowed herself to notice how their breasts pressed together when they were this close. How it filled her with want. For her, for more. For everything. 

Eva seemed to read Vilde’s mind and pulled back to pull off her jumper. Vilde pulled her own sweatshirt over her head, the action pulling her hair tie out. Eva let out a little laugh - nervous, but excited. That about summed up Vilde’s mood. 

She pulled her closer again and led her to the bed while they kissed. Eva unhooked her bra while they moved, then her own. _Finally, _skin against skin. Vilde reached up to feel Eva’s breasts in her hands. Eva hummed pleasantly against her lips. They stopped at the edge of the bed to rid themselves of their pants and underwear. Then, nothing. 

They stared at each other, cheeks red. Eva laughed first. Vilde joined a second later. “Do you want to do this?” Vilde checked, through her giggles. God, she hoped she said yes. 

Eva tucked some hair behind Vilde’s ear. “I do,” she answered. They leaned against each other for a while, in meaningful silence. Eva cupped Vilde’s face with both hands and kissed her again, gentle this time. Vilde’s everything fluttered. 

_This _was what she wanted most in the world. Seemed like Vilde was getting a little magic tonight, after all. 

*********

Sunlight streamed in through the curtains, gradually pulling Vilde to consciousness. Her body was still sated from the night before. She hummed happily and reached over, finding only empty space beside her. Vilde opened her eyes. “Eva?” 

“Hm?” 

Eva was standing naked in Vilde’s room, looking at her bookshelf. Vilde smiled at the pleasant sight. “What are you doing over there?” her voice was light.

Eva looked over her shoulder at her. “Just… checking things out.” 

“Okay,” Vilde chuckled. 

Eva reached down for her clothes and slowly pulled on her undies and sweater. It was a tragedy. “Looks like a nice morning.” She sounded distracted. 

Vilde frowned slightly. “Why are you getting dressed?” 

Eva smiled at her. She walked closer and leaned down to kiss her. _Hello heaven_. She pulled back before Vilde could deepen it. “We can’t stay in bed naked _all _day.”

“Why not?” Vilde pouted. 

Eva booped her nose with her finger. “I think I figured something out.” 

Vilde sat up, pulling her sheets up with her. “Oh?” 

Eva sat at the edge of the bed and looked back at the bookshelf. “I know this place.” 

“What?” 

Eva shook her head. “I can’t explain it. I’ve felt… _this _way before.” Vilde frowned. Eva sighed. “This whole time I’ve been looking around, trying to find answers, but nothing felt even close to right. And then I met you, and it’s like… it just made sense, you know? _Being here _makes sense. Like I’m meant to be right here, in this house.” 

“I… I don’t...” 

Eva chuckled at something on the bookshelf. She reached for Suzie and set her in her lap. “Suzie,” she said, voice warm. 

Vilde pushed away the thought that poor old Suzie witnessed what they’d done last night to stare at Eva in surprise. She didn’t remember telling her the little bunny’s name. “How did you know that?” 

“I don’t know,” Eva said, stroking Suzie’s middle. She looked up at Vilde, expression light but serious. “I _know _this place, Vilde. Like I’ve been here a thousand times.” 

“You - this is the first time-”

“I remembered something when I woke up,” Eva said, her excitement building. “You were sleeping beside me.” She smiled. “You looked so cute. And I just had this - this _vision_. I was a little girl and I was lying next to another little girl, with blonde hair just like yours. She was hugging this toy,” Eva held Suzie up and went on, “and she was afraid.”

Vilde gulped, her mind whirling. None of this made sense. “Of what?” she whispered. 

“She was scared the Boogeyman was going to come after her.” 

Vilde’s heart stopped. _What the fuck? _

Eva smiled excitedly and set Suzie aside. “Vilde. I think we knew each other as kids. Like, we were friends, but we just, I don’t know, forgot.” 

“No, that’s - it can’t - I don’t - that’s impossible.” 

“Why?” 

This was insane. It wasn’t happening. It wasn’t true. “Because the only other kid who I knew I was scared of the Boogeyman was my imaginary friend!” she blurted. 

Eva stilled, mouth hanging open. “I-” she stammered. Vilde silently urged her not to say the next thought in both their minds. “What was her name?” 

_No way. _This wasn't happening. It couldn’t be. It was impossible. 

“Vilde,” Eva pleaded. 

“Eva,” Vilde answered. “Her name was Eva.” 

They both sat back, stunned. “Holy shit,” Eva murmured. 

“No, no, no, you don’t actually think you’re _her_, do you?” 

“It makes sense!”

“What does?! That you’re my imaginary friend come to life? You know how nuts that sounds, right?” 

Eva shrugged helplessly. “It _sounds_ nuts, but it makes sense. Why else would I have absolutely no memories except here, with you? Why else are you the only thing that feels like home to me. Why is this the only place I actually feel like I belong to? Why else is no one out there looking for me?” 

Vilde crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly self conscious. This was wrong. “So, you think you’re imaginary?” 

“Well, not anymore.” She reached for Vilde, but she flinched away. Eva pulled back, hurt. “Are you afraid of me now?” 

“How would you suddenly become real?” she asked Eva, herself, the universe. She knew the answer deep down. But it was impossible. Wishes weren’t real. They didn’t come true. This wasn’t a fairytale. Chris’s ornament was just an ordinary shelf decoration. 

Eva pulled her lips in, thinking. “You wished for me.” 

Vilde snapped her head up. “H-how…?” 

“I don’t know, I can just feel it. Like, it makes sense now. You wished for me to be real when you were a little girl. And now here I am.” She opened her arms and gestured to herself. “Am I everything you dreamed?” 

And more. 

Vilde shook her head. This couldn’t be happening. She didn’t want this. She didn’t need this. Suddenly she felt too naked, too exposed. She scooted to the top edge of the bed to reach for the oversized t-shirt she knew was on the floor. She clutched her sheets to her chest while she pulled it on. 

“Vilde, please say something,” Eva pleaded desperately. “Please.” 

“I… I just. I don’t think…” She sighed and put her head in her hands. This was too much. “I think you should go.” 

“You’re kicking me out? After last night?” 

_Last night. _All the confusion and ‘what the fuck’ mood of this morning overshadowed the swoon-worthy memories of last night. It was so wonderful. And it was a mistake. 

“I need to be alone,” Vilde said, choking up. 

Eva’s face crumbled. “But - you _created_ me! You wanted me!”

“Eva.” 

“Please don’t send me away.” 

They stared at each other, red faced and teary-eyed. Before, Vilde would’ve reached over to wipe Eva’s tears away. Right now, she'd give anything to make her disappear. “I need you to go.” 

Eva slumped back with a heart wrenching sob. She sprung up and pulled on her jeans, making sure her phone was inside. Vilde couldn’t bear to watch. The sound of her crying quietly was devastating enough. Eva stopped in the doorway to say, “I love you, you know. I really do.” 

And yeah. Vilde felt it. She flinched when the door closed and sat alone in the miserable silence. Vilde loved her too. So, so much, she couldn’t believe it. But, this…

How could Eva truly love her for her? Vilde created her in her mind when she was a lonely little kid. She shivered as the thought settled in. Eva really was everything she dreamed of. More. How could she be sure all the love she felt for her was more than what Vilde made up? She had to love her, didn’t she? 

She thought of all the wonderful things Eva had said to her. All the encouragements, all the praises. Every ‘you can do anything’ and ‘you’re amazing’. Was any of it even real? Eva _had_ to say those things, didn’t she? 

If it was all a lie, why was Vilde starting to believe it? 

*********

Vilde had spent hours and days reading every single course info from every university in Norway. Including the smaller colleges. 

She had 26 tabs open on her laptop. 94 on her phone. Bookmarked her favourite ones. She decided to narrow it down to Oslo, figuring it was smarter for her to stay closer to home. She hadn’t yet decided on which exact path she wanted to go down. Just that it was time to start walking again. 

Vilde couldn't believe she was thinking like this. It had taken her two years to get to this point. Where she thought she already would’ve been by now. After all the helplessness and fear and despair. She was really doing this. 

Every time she began to doubt herself again, Eva’s words would spring to mind. Vilde wrote them down so she could read them over and over. The words grounded her. Focused her. Tugged on her heartstrings a bit. 

It had been a week and a half. No word at all. Eva had completely left her alone. Her bra was still on Vilde’s bedroom floor. The sound of her wobbly voice saying ‘I love you’ haunted Vilde’s dreams every single night since. The bitter guilt that she’d hurt her sat at the back of her mind at every moment. 

She knew she was being unfair. After everything that wonderful dream girl had done for her. Vilde was actually planning out her future because of her. It almost seemed possible because of her. And right now, she had no one. Vilde bit her lip, glancing at her phone. She could always… No. Not yet. 

Vilde set her laptop aside and fell back against her pillows with a great sigh. One small step at a time. Maybe there was one thing she could fix today. There was only so much guilt one person could bear. 

She had plans to fix the others. For another time. 

She forced herself up and out of her room, down the hall. Mamma’s door was open. Vilde crept closer hesitantly, stomach swirling. She was not expecting the sight she walked into. Mamma was sitting up in the middle of the bed, stroking Romeo in her lap while she read a book. Vilde watched her for a while, unsure if this was a dream or not. 

Mamma looked up at her after a moment, like she’d known she was there the whole time. “Hi, baby.” Her voice was soft. Genuine. 

There was no use trying to hold back her tears this time. “Hi, mamma,” sniffled. 

Mamma set her book down and opened her arms. “Come here.” 

Vilde hurried into her arms, folding her knees under herself on the bed. She was careful not to disturb Romeo while he slept happily. Mamma stroked Vilde’s hair while she sniffled. Her sobs were happy this time. 

“I’m so sorry,” Vilde cried into mamma’s shoulder. 

Mamma shushed her. “It’s alright.” 

Vilde turned her face further into mamma’s shoulder. “It’s not.” Her voice came out all muffled. “I’m sorry I yelled at you like that. I’m sorry I said all those shitty things. It’s not your fault and I’m sorry I’m such a bad daughter.”

Mamma pulled Vilde back to look at her, hands on her upper arms. “Sweetheart.” She still looked so tired. “All you do is take care of me. You’re not a bad daughter.” 

“B-but what about all those t-things I said?” she blubbered. 

Mamma brushed her hair out of her face. “I understand.” 

Vilde wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Why?”

“You’re only twenty. Things haven’t been so easy around here for a while now. You’ve got more things to worry about than just me. It’s okay to get overwhelmed. I understand.” 

Vilde hung her head. She didn’t deserve this kindness. “I don’t mind worrying about you,” she said in a small voice. 

Mamma laughed weakly. “I know, baby.” 

“How are you feeling?” 

Mamma shrugged, her shoulders sinking back. “I’ve been better.” She managed a small smile. “But I’m getting there.” 

“You always do,” Vilde told her. She leaned her forehead on mamma’s chest like she used to as a little girl. The same one who wished and dreamed. “I’m so sorry.” 

Mamma patted her hair. “You’ve already said that, love.” 

Vilde shook her head and looked up at her again. “For pappa,” she said. 

Mamma kissed her hair. “Oh, baby. _I’m _sorry for your father,” she said into her hair. “You deserve so much better than him. So much better.” 

Vilde melted into mamma’s embrace. “So do you.” 

They leaned against each other for a while, enjoying the quiet together. Romeo stretched out on mamma’s lap. He made a great big yawn and quickly shook his head. 

Vilde chuckled at him. “Good sleep?” 

“Meow,” he said. 

They both stroked his furr while he purred contentedly. _Must be nice to be a cat_, Vilde thought. No troubles in the world. And any time they didn’t like something, all they had to do was smack it across the room. Pretty sound logic, as far as Vilde was concerned. Unfortunately, humans couldn’t get away with that. 

“I bet it’s nice being a cat,” mamma mused. 

“That's exactly what I was just thinking!” 

“Get out of my head,” mamma said with a soft laugh. 

Vilde sat back and thought of how she was going to bring this up. Was it selfish to ask for her help now? She wasn’t sure she could manage on her own. _Say it_, she bullied herself. “Mamma?” she began tentatively. 

“Mm?”

“I was thinking… I messed things up with my friends, and… I want to fix it.” 

“You want to invite them over to talk.”

“How did…?”

Mamma tapped her temple with her index finger, then Vilde’s. “We’re sharing brain waves.” 

Vilde giggled. “I just,” she paused to sigh. “I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know what to say.” 

Mamma thought for several seconds. “Why don’t you invite them over for lunch and we can make up something nice for them? That’s a start, don’t you think?” 

It was genius! “That’s a really good idea.” 

A pleased little smile set on mamma’s face as she sank back into her pillows. Romeo took that as his cue to jump off. “I haven't had a really good idea in a long time,” she said. Her eyes fluttered shut. 

“I’ll go shopping tomorrow,” Vilde decided. 

“Mm, sounds good,” mamma murmured. 

Vilde smiled softly at her. “Sleep tight,” she said gently. She carefully slid off the bed and padded out of the room. Romeo followed her. Vilde bent down slightly and pressed a finger to her lips. He stared up at her blankly, the way cats did. Then, with his kitty nose high in the air, he strutted away. 

Vilde had more important things to worry about than a judgmental cat. She began planning out her invitation message to the girls as she returned to her bedroom. It was going to have to be good. Vilde could do it. 

She could do anything. Could she? 

*********

Today was a better day. 

Vilde walked with a renewed purpose in her step, arms full of groceries. She walked to the tempo of the Beyoncé song she was listening to. “We run this mother!” she sang to herself. Waking to Beyoncé always made her feel fantastic. She felt almost powerful. The song distracted her so much that she walked right past the person trying to speak to her. 

Someone took a light hold her arm her turned around. Adrenaline shot through her. She pulled out her ear bud. “Shit,” she breathed, a hand on her chest. 

“Didn’t you hear me calling you?” pappa asked impatiently. 

“No.” She shrugged unapologetically. She wasn't about to apologize for jamming out to Beyoncé. Not to the fun police. 

Pappa huffed impatiently. “Yeah, well I lost my fucking key, so let me in.” He nodded towards the house. 

“It’s good to see you too, dad, I missed you too.”

Pappa rolled his eyes, unimpressed. “Yeah, okay, pleasantries and blah blah blah. Now, let me in.” 

“Oh, me? I’ve been up to _lots_, thanks for asking.” 

“Vilde,” pappa said seriously. Vilde sighed. They stared at each other. “Well?!”

“You want me to let you in so you can go tell mamma how much you hate her?” 

“Vilde.”

“No,” she said defiantly. 

Pappa’s eyes went wide in disbelief. “What?”

“No, I’m not going to let you do this to her anymore,” she said, heart thudding in her chest. Tears pricked her eyes, threatening to fall. “You always talk about her mistakes and how she’s useless, but you don’t see how wonderful she really is! Because you know her condition and you do this on purpose! Why? It’s fucked up, pappa. Why do you do this?” 

He pointed towards the house. “She needs to-”

“You don’t know what she needs!”

“Right, and you do?” he scoffed. “Just let me in.” 

“Yes, I do know! I know her. I’m the one that takes care of her.” 

Pappa laughed humourlessly. He was being cruel. “That’s exactly her problem. Her daughter shouldn’t have to be taking care of her.” 

“And what are you doing?” Her heart raced. She’d never felt this alive, this alert. “At least she’s there for me. At least she actually _knows _me!”

“Vilde, we’ve talked about this-” 

“About how you never take an interest in me!” She angrily wiped away her tears. “Do you actually love me?” 

“I - you - Of course I do,” pappa sputtered, taken aback. 

“Then why don’t you ever want to see me? Why don’t you want to know me?” she cried. “Why am I always here like an idiot, waiting for the day you finally decide I’m good enough for you!” 

Pappa gaped at her. His tight posture deflated. “I… I…” 

“If you want to spend all your time in your big, tall office judging people, go ahead. I can’t stop you from doing that, but you need to leave us alone.” She sniffed loudly. The adrenaline was almost overwhelming. “I can’t make you want me,” she cried, “But I _can_ tell you to go away. And I can tell you, you’ll be missing out on a lot.” 

“Vilde…” 

“No. No. If you’re not going to change, just go. If you can’t honestly tell me you want to get to know _me_, leave. Leave and don’t come back.” 

Pappa gaped some more. For once, he was at a loss for words. 

_Good. _

“You’re always telling me that you’ll be here if I need you, but you never have been. Not even before the divorce. I _have_ called, dad. I have, but you never answer.” Apparently, he had the decency to at least look like he felt bad. Vilde couldn't be sure if it was part of his ‘business man’ act or not. The thought was enraging. “I get that you’re not in love with mamma, anymore. But why did you stop loving _me_?” 

“I… I’m so sorry.” He tried to reach for her, but Vilde moved back, protectively clutching her armful of groceries to her chest. The action shocked him. 

“I’m not gonna let you inside.” 

“Vilde-”

She stepped even further away from him. The more distance, the better. “You’re not going to get what you came for, so go.” He remained where he was. “Go!” 

Pappa looked at the house, then back at her. A look Vilde had never seen before was etched onto his face. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. She didn’t care. 

He stared at her helplessly for several seconds. She challenged the gaze with her own. The war was won, and he turned around slowly. It seemed like a forever had passed by the time he got into his car. Vilde watched him get into his fancy car. Watched him drive away. This time, the image filled her with relief rather than grief. 

Her heart was still drumming against her rib cage. A thousand emotions swam in her gut. She couldn’t move. She was shaking too hard. Her breaths came out sharply. 

She couldn’t believe what she’d just done. 

_1, 2, 3, 4_. She breathed in deeply, trying to calm herself. It wasn’t doing much good. Instead, she tried focusing on deciphering some of the emotions in her stomach. The first she recognised was fear. It screamed the loudest. Beside it; heartache. Behind that, the relief. There was something else Vilde hadn’t felt in years. 

Pride. 

She did it. She actually did it. Faced her deepest trouble and her worst fear. Maybe Eva really was right. She _could_ do anything. Conquering the beast was the proof. The Boogeyman had been right under her nose all along. And now he was gone. 

“...Vilde?” 

Vilde jumped, snapping her head to where the voice came from. She knew who it was before her eyes landed on her. “Eva.” 

“You did it,” she said encouragingly. Her posture was awkward and unsure. “I knew you could.” Vilde couldn’t handle this right now. Not when she was trying hard not to pass out. “I… I’m proud of you.” 

“I’m sorry, Eva,” Vilde breathed, sobs rising up again. They shook her shoulders and her chest with a force. They weren't sobs of sorrow, but cries of release. “I can’t do this right now. I’m so sorry.” 

Eva looked disappointed but not surprised. “I just came to…”

“Eva, please! You can’t fix everything, okay? You can’t fix this for me.”

“I wasn’t trying to -” 

“I don’t need you to protect me from the Boogeyman anymore.” There was a bang from inside the house, as if something heavy had been knocked over. Vilde didn’t have much time to wonder what the hell was going on in there. 

Eva rushed towards her, desperation in her eyes. “I’m not just your imaginary friend, anymore!” She roughly tugged her earring out of her ear and pressed the point into her finger until she drew blood. “I’m real, see? I'm real!” 

“Stop!” Vilde grabbed her hand, balancing her groceries on her hip. 

“I’m not imaginary.” 

Vilde squeezed her hand. “I know you’re not,” she said, voice softened. Guilt and affection were added to the mix in her tummy. Vilde realised just how much she’d missed her. Her dear, lovely Eva. And what an absolute cunt she was to her. 

“I’m real.” 

Mamma’s horrified scream interrupted Vilde’s started apology. Terror overcame every other emotion as Vilde fumbled for her keys with shaky hands. The task was almost impossible with her arms full. Her panic grew. “Mamma!” she cried. 

“Here.” Eva pulled Vilde’s keys out of her pocket and unlocked the door. 

Vilde kicked it wide open and dropped her bags inside. She ran for mamma’s room and froze when she reached the living room. The sight she walked into was impossible. 

A large, grotesque creature loomed over mamma where she lay on the floor. It was well over six feet tall, had hideous green skin and large teeth that sat outside of its mouth. Its bottom half belonged to one end of a black goat, like a faun creature. 

“What the fuck,” Vilde breathed. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn't real. 

The creature bent down, face close to mamma while she flinched away. Its breath blew her hair out of her face. “G-get away from me!” she cried. 

Vilde grabbed the lamp off the coffee table and leapt at the creature. “Get away from her!”

It turned around just in time for Vilde to deliver a whack to its hideous face. The lamp made a loud thump against his head. The creature staggered back with a growl. It straightened up and leered at Vilde, grinding its menacing sharp teeth. 

They stared at each other for a while, the horror and disbelief making Vilde ill. How many emotions could one person handle in such a short space of time? 

She didn’t have time to ponder that question as the creature swung its arm at her. She ducked out of the way with a gasp. _Shit. _

“Vilde!” Mamma scrambled to pull herself up. 

The creature used her split second of distraction to deliver a blow to the side of her face. The force knocked Vilde over, sending her a metre across the room. She steadied herself against the wall, face burning from the hit. 

“Leave her alone!” Mamma pounded at the creature’s back with both fists. 

She was no match for the creature alone. All it had to do was roughly shrug to send her to the floor again. Vilde cried out, getting the creature’s attention. Its mouth watered. Saliva dribbled out of its reeking jaw. Vilde’s stomach turned.

This revolting freak was not going to eat her. They were not going to die today. Not like this. Vilde’s adrenaline energised her enough to raise the heavy lamp with one arm. She delivered several blows to the creature. It roared and growled while she bashed whatever parts of its body she could reach. 

Mamma was up again, punching and smacking its back again, screaming profanities. 

The creature let out a loud screech and pushed mamma away once more. It grabbed the lamp from Vilde’s hand and threw it to the floor, breaking it apart. 

That was _not _good. “Fuck.” 

The creature pushed Vilde against the wall with its arm pressed into her throat. She choked and coughed, trying to hit and pull its slimy arm away. The creature used that same arm to lift her off the ground, keeping her dangling against the wall. 

This couldn’t be it. Vilde didn’t want to die. 

Eva yelled fiercely. Vilde couldn’t see her, but she figured she was behind the creature when it jumped with a yelp. It loosened its hold on Vilde while it howled in pain. She used this opportunity to push its arm away and step out of its way. The curtain rod from Vilde’s bedroom was sticking out of its back. It crumpled to the floor at Vilde’s feet. 

She gave the creature a swift kick to the head, pulling a whimper from it. “Teach you to go after my mother,” she said. 

The creature spasmed in a heap on the floor, its cries dying out. Then it went still. Everyone held their breaths. Vilde slid a hesitant foot towards it. Gave it a few nudges. Nothing. The creature was dead. 

Vilde let out a relieved breath. The impossible magic wasn’t done yet. The creature’s body slowly faded away, leaving nothing but the curtain rod behind. Vilde’s pain vanished with it. It was as if it had never been there at all. 

“Oh,” she breathed, falling into Eva’s arms. They held each other tight. Nothing was going to hurt them anymore. “How the fuck did that happen?” 

“I guess whatever magic brought me to life brought him, too.”

“Why now?”

Eva shrugged against her. “Standing up to your father was your worst fear, wasn’t it?” Vilde had almost forgotten Eva knew everything about her. “And he was the one always telling you if you got upset, the Boogeyman would come.” 

“What the fuck,” Vilde breathed an exhausted laugh. 

“What the crap,” mamma echoed the sentiment in her own words. She was leaning against the couch. 

_Shit! _How was Vilde supposed explain this to her? How did one explain the impossible? Eva let her out of their hug so they could look at her. 

“You know,” mamma began, voice tired. “You were right about Dr. Khan. I think I will go back to see her again.” She yawned and rubbed her eyes. “Regularly.” 

“That’s great, mamma,” Vilde said sincerely. “I’m proud of you.”

Mamma walked over and took her hand, giving it a few pats. “I think you could benefit from talking to someone, too.” The idea was scary. She was right, even if she was saying it for the wrong reasons. “Hello, dear,” mamma said, turning her attention to Eva. 

“Hi, I’m Eva.” 

“That’s a pretty name,” mamma yawned. She backed out of the room, feet dragging along the floor. “I think I need a lie down.” 

“Have a good sleep,” Vilde said. And she was gone. Leaving Eva and Vilde alone.

They looked at each other, tension thick in the air. 

“You saved my life,” Vilde said, grateful. 

“That’s what I’m here for.” 

Vilde shook her head. “You said it yourself. You’re so much more than just my imaginary friend.” 

Eva pulled her lips in. She walked to the couch and plonked down. Vilde copied the action, bouncing her knee with the nerves. “When you kicked me out,” Eva began and Vilde cringed painfully at the memory. “It felt like meeting your God. Giving them everything you have to offer, putting all your love and trust in them. And then your God calls you a cunt and tells you to fuck off.” 

Vilde swallowed some guilt. “I never called you a cunt.” 

“I know you didn’t,” Eva laughed softly. “That’s what it felt like.” 

Vilde took her hand and played with her fingers. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” She took a breath. “And… I love you, too.” 

Eva reached over to play with Vilde’s hair. There was something else she was putting off saying. With a deep breath, she revealed, “The reason I came over was to tell you… I’m going away for a while.” 

“Going away?”

“Traveling,” Eva clarified. “I just found out I’m imaginary and I have no clue what I’m going to do with myself. Now that I’ve got all my answers.” Vilde nodded, feeling like she might cry again. “I… I need to find my place in the world. As a real person. Figure out who I’m gonna be.”

“Your place could be with me,” Vilde said quietly. 

Eva gave her a sad smile. “If I’m going to be more than your imaginary friend, we need to be on our own for a while.” 

It sounded reasonable. Vilde understood. That didn’t mean she had to like it. “Promise you’ll come back?” she sniffed. 

Eva wiped away her tear and tucked her hair behind her ear, the way she always did. “Promise.” She rested their foreheads together. “I’ll miss you.” 

Vilde missed her already. Her absence was going to hurt. “Maybe… if the time’s right… we can…”

Eva pressed a soft kiss to Vilde’s lips. It was equally as intoxicating as their deep kisses were. “One day,” she said. It sounded like a promise. 

Vilde walked Eva to the door, holding her hand tight. They stepped over her groceries, where they remained on the floor, and stood in the doorway. “Good luck,” she said with a sniff. Vilde wasn’t ready to let go just yet. “Eva? Thank you. For everything.”

Eva used her other hand to caress Vilde’s cheek. “Thank you, too.” She backed out of the house, keeping her hold on Vilde’s hand. Their arms were stretched out as they stood across from each other. “Remember: you can do anything.” 

Vilde knew. She could do anything. Even take over the world if she wanted to. Maybe now she'd have the courage. 

*********

Nerves bubbled in Vilde’s tummy. She set the last dish on the table with shaky hands. 

Noora, Sana and Chris sat around the dining table, watching her expectantly. Vilde cleared her throat and clapped her hands together. “Okay.” She let out a small nervous laugh. “I guess… I should start.” She cleared her throat again, heart racing. “Um…” This was harder than she thought. 

“We missed you,” Chris said first. The others nodded. 

A small feeling of relief went through Vilde. She gave Chris a thankful look. “I missed you guys, too,” she admitted, choking up. Ever since she’d let her emotions out, they wanted to come up all the time. Making up for lost time, she supposed. It was only fair she let them breathe now. 

Chris reached her hand across the table and covered Vilde’s. They exchanged teary smiles. 

“Why did you shut us out?” Sana asked gently. 

Vilde blew out a breath. Chris squeezed her hand in support. “I don’t know, I…” She stopped to take a big sniff. “I guess I lied about… _that _because I didn’t want you to think I’m a total loser. You guys have these great lives, and-” she shrugged “- I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me.”

“We don’t think you’re a loser,” Sana assured her. 

“Really?”

“Really.” 

“Sorry we made you feel like you had to lie,” Noora said sincerely. 

“Well,” Vilde huffed a laugh. “When that stupid lie blew up in my face, I was so embarrassed. I felt like such an idiot.” 

“You’re not an idiot,” Chris said, taking her hand back. 

Vilde shook her head, blinking away her tears. This was going to be a happy day. “I know,” she said. 

Sana smiled. “Good. I never said this to you, but… I’ve always thought you were the strongest one out of all of us.” 

“Me?” 

All three girls nodded. “You deal with so much. But you always keep going.” 

“And you’re always there for us,” Noora added.

“I’ve been a pretty bad friend, lately,” Vilde said. 

“You’re forgiven.”

“Just like that?” 

The girls shared a look, then turned back to Vilde and gave her a single nod. “Just like that.” 

“Girls have gotta stick together, remember?” Chris quoted Vilde from their high school days. 

She laughed softly. “Yeah.” 

“And, we meant what we said before,” Chris added. “I know sometimes it helps to pretend everything is fine. But we’re here for you when it’s not.” 

The girls nodded in unison. Vilde loved them all. “Okay.” 

“Can we eat yet? I’m _starving_.” 

“It looks really good,” Noora said, taking in all the dishes in front of them. 

“Dig in,” Vilde said cheerfully. 

They did just that, demolishing the stir fry and rice and salads. They chatted happily while they ate, and things went back to exactly the way they were. The way things were meant to be. All the guilt and shame lifted off Vilde’s chest. She felt so much lighter. There was only one more thing she needed to ask. 

“Um, guys?” They turned their attention to her. “I was kind of wondering…” she laughed nervously. "I need your help with something.”

“Anything,” Sana said. 

“I want to apply to university.” The girls voiced their encouraging sentiments, emboldening Vilde to add, “And… does anyone know where I can get a job?” 

*********

_One year later_

“What kind of party is this again?” Vilde asked while she wiped down the bar. 

“Didn’t say,” Kasper said. Vilde sighed and placed her hands on her hips. He shifted his eyes around. “What?” 

“Did they at least say how many people?” 

He shook his head. “Nope.” She narrowed her eyes at him. He gulped. “Uh… I think it was, like, forty?” 

That was weird. Vilde frowned. “Why would they rent out a theatre bar for _forty_ people? Just use a backyard. Save a hundred dollars.” 

Kasper shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said, sounding like he did in fact know. People had been acting weird around her for days. Like they were all part of some big conspiracy and leaving her out of it. It was possible. Vilde had seen weirder things. 

Chris entered, a cheerful spring in her step. “Everything’s all set!” She gave Kasper a wink. Something was definitely going on. Chris checked her phone. “The party should be here in an hour.” 

Vilde’s own phone buzzed. 

> **Pappa: **how are you doing? 

She quirked an amused smile at the message. Put her phone back into her pocket. _I’ll let him wait a while,_ she thought, as she usually did. The messages from him got more frequent, the longer she put off responding. It was his turn to chase after her. And chase, she would make him. 

One of their coworkers, Susanne emerged from the back. “Have you done the assignment for professor Vaughn’s class yet?” 

“Yup.” 

Susanne groaned. “I have no freaking clue what I want my ad to be.” She folded her arms on the bar and rested her head on them. “I’m going to fail and my parents will disown me.” 

Vilde rubbed her back up and down in comfort, trying not to laugh at her. The girl needed a break. “I could give you a hand.” 

She looked up, hopeful. “Would you? Ah, that’d be awesome, thank you.” Susanne perked right up. “You’re the best.” 

Vilde tilted her head with a smile. “I know.” 

Mahdi, their manager approached and clapped his hands together. “We’re all ready for tonight?” 

Chris and Kasper nodded eagerly. “Uh huh!” 

“Good, good.” Mahdi gave them a conspiratorial look. 

_I knew it! _Vilde thought, suspicion rising. Whatever was going on, she would get to the bottom of it. 

The team conversed casually while they waited for the party to arrive. As the minutes went by, they all started to squirm under Vilde’s stares. Every question was deflected, even the most simple ones. _If that’s how they want to play it…_

“I know you guys are-” Vilde started to say. 

Mahdi’s phone buzzed. “They’re here!” He hurried out the door, down to the entrance while the others bounced on their feet excitedly. 

_What the hell is going on?! _

Some voices carried through, followed by shushing and stifled giggles. Several shoes scuffled up the stairs. Vilde eyed her coworkers and supposed ‘friends’, who were all avoiding her gaze. Everything went silent. 

And then.

The doors burst open and all her friends entered the theatre, cheering loudly. They threw confetti and streamers as they filled the space. 

Vilde laughed at the scene, cheeks turning pink. Was this what they all being so secretive about? She walked around the bar and over to the group as the music started up. “What’s going on?” 

Eskild danced up to her and waggled his eyebrows. “We’ve got a surprise for you.” 

“A surprise?” 

Camille and Elias stood with their arms pressed together. They nodded at each other and jumped apart. Standing behind them in her beautiful burgundy dress, was Eva. 

“Oh my God!

Eva laughed. “Miss me?” 

“Are you kidding?!” Vilde pulled her into a hug. Eva wrapped her arms around her and they both let themselves melt into the embrace. They swayed together while everyone cheered and danced around them. 

Eva pulled back. “I heard you’ve been up to a lot.”’ 

Vilde ducked her head, blushing. “Yeah.”

“I knew you could.” 

Vilde smiled at her. She took both her hands and swung them in between their bodies. “When did you get back?” 

“A few days ago. I wanted to come see you right away, but Eskild insisted we throw a big party.” 

Right on cue, Eskild popped up with a shit-eating grin on his face. “You’re welcome.” After a few suggestive winks, he danced away from them. 

Vilde looked around at all their friends. Noora and Sana were laughing at Eskild tripping over. William was downing a beer. Elias and Camille were sucking face. Isak and Even were dancing, as disgustingly in love as ever. And Eva was right in front of her, looking at her like she meant everything in the world. There was no other place she’d rather be. 

“What should we do now?” Eva asked, nerves obvious. Even after everything they’d been through together, she could still get shy around her. She was so cute. 

Vilde put her arms around her shoulders. “Now, we dance.” 

Eva smiled at her, pulling her close. “Sounds perfect.” 

Holding Eva in her arms had never felt more right. It felt like home. 

They danced. They kissed. They got their happily ever after. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and good night <3 Happy birthday to the August 8 Cluster 
> 
> Once again, thanks to [Julia](https://setholiver.tumblr.com/) for organizing this and a massive thanks to [Theresa](https://koedder-du.tumblr.com/) for her lovely edit. Make sure you show her some love and like the post [HERE!](https://koedder-du.tumblr.com/post/186840782779/imagine-that-by-thegirlnooneknows5-for-the)
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr! I don't bite ;)


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